A
female
age
36-40,
Anonymous Mouse
writes: Two of My Strange FriendsChapter 1There is this 26 yr old female, and there is older married guy (abt. 43), and his wife who were good friends for many yrs. To her, they were like second parents. They use to talk a lot with her and help each other out. However, as time went by, the man especially stopped talking to the female, only his wife was talking to her. Its noticed that when he does say something to her or even greet her, it is either for her to help with something very important, or he just say a very short and sharp sarcastic comment then walk off, never to speak with her for a long time and so on it goes. Although he tried few time to assist the female, she never took his help. One day, he goes up to her and made sarcastic remark, put his hand on her head..then walk awayAs time goes by, he is acting even more strange with all his sarcastic remarks. Recently, they attended a seminar. and during the break, he went up to her, making witty remark about her taking enough notes for everyone. A its known, he always criticize people for taking a lot of notes when he thinks they are not paying attention to the speaker. When he said this, she replied: "no..only took notes for me", while he was walking aways with clever smile, then he doubled back, and said "what was that"...so she repeated her statement..then he walk away.Well, lately, he has been asking her for favors. She said she doesn't really want to help him...but he has been asking her somethings about work issue. Anyway, she said she tried to answer him as best as she could. One night, he was staring at her from a distance. She said it was so uncomfortable, and did not know what to think.One day, he was trying to talk with her again, but she was ignoring him. Few days after that, it rained, and she left her umbrella at a meeting location. As she was getting into her car to go home, she remembered she left it inside the building. Then when she was going for it, he was coming in her direction and made a statement : " its the fastest i've seen you walk". She said: "i left something inside". he said: " can i go and get it for you?" She said "no..i will get it myself". Then he walked off.Chapter 2Some months ago, a few of us had to go to a distant area to do social work. So we had to meet at his house for dispatch. The girl, me, and my friend drove in my friend’s SUV to his house to wait for others to arrive. When we finally got to carpool, he drove my friend's SUV with another friend in the front. So anyway, we were on our way and chatting and laughing. Needless to say, he was quiet most of the time. Then the girl was trying to remember the name of a book we all supposedly knew. I could not remember, so she was describing the color of it. Then the friend beside him asked him if he knew. He said the name if it to her in a very low voice, then she repeated it to the girl. Then she was like "yeah, that's it!"...all the while I am thinking that he knew the answer, but because he is having this attitude towards her, he did not say it. He only was talking when his friends said something. Throughout the whole day, his attitude was bad. And he gave her bad looks through the day, as if he wishes she was not there. UPDATE:I have not told anyone about what I have noticed. Based on what I know about him, if I go to him about it he will act like I am paranoid, and I don’t want him to know what she told me . For example, there has been a plan made by him for a group of us to travel somewhere to volunteer. So, what the girl realized that he has been secretly telling a few people in the group about it, she always end up hearing about it late. So she asked someone to ask him if there was space in any of the car pooling for her to fit in: that person told her that he said that no one else will be added to the list if they came to ask. But she still told him to ask. About an hour after that, she saw him, he told her that he heard she was asking about being able to go with them on the trip. So she said yes. he said: "well, right now we already have our peek of those who are going". So she said: "ok, well let me know if anyone drops out". He said that as soon as that happened, he would immediately call her. So they were suppose to leave for the tri the next morning very early. So my friend who drives the SUV, parks her car in the girl’s yard. So about 7.45 am in the morning, she said she heard voices in her yard. She was still in bed. She woke up and noticed it was his voice along with the other friend. They were talking about needing her vehicle to be a part of the car pooling for the trip. She was not going, so he thought he would take her vehicle. Then he drove my friend’s vehicle out of the girl’s yard and did not even call her. As it turned out, there were some people who dropped out of going on the trip he organized. And there was plenty of space for her. Many of those who went knew that she wanted to go. Even now they are saying they wished she was there. She said told one of them that she told him to call her if space became available. They said: "really?. How come he never said anything?”. Even now, I myself am hearing a sudden announcement about another trip. Then at our group meeting recently, I was sitting behind them; he was staring at her at the corner of his eye, from the other side of his wife. Every time he was looking like that in her direction, she turned her head, allowing her hair to cover that side of her face. (I watch what’s going on since she is telling me all this). He looked so angry. After the meeting was over, he came in her direction, so as she was sitting, she immediately turned her head around to one of my friends who’s was sitting behind me. Then after a few minutes, he walked off. So I saw her grab her bag, and left the whole thing. Hope you can give me something to tell her.There seems to be some misunderstanding here. My friend (the girl), is not into this man. She's to decent for that. She's innocent in all of this. She didn't give him any wrong idea. He's the one that's treating her like crap. She and I are permanently apart of this group and, he's the one behaving weird towards her. She's just nice to everyone from day one. She has tried to ignore him, but he is doing things to jeopardize her progress. She's a virgin and she's not the type to go after any man, much less a married jerk. Please read it carefully guys, if you have the patience. thank you. Chapter 3My friend told me that she had an awkward moment with that guy today. She told me she was in the library of their group meeting place. She was alone there for a moment looking for some books. He was coming up to her asking what she needed. She said she told him she needed. The books and some other papers were located behind a desk that she had no authority to go behind (he had the authority to get them). She said he went to get them for her. He asked her which one she wanted. She told him. He took some and gave to her. She said she wanted to just leave when he gave them to her. But he started to make small talk about her progress in the group and asked about her family, friends, close associates. She said she gave him short answers and that they were both nervous talking to each other, since he barely wants to talk to her. He asked something about one of the friends. She thought she knew the answer, and then he said something to the effect of "really?..but he's not working there anymore. He's doing 'so-n-so' now". She said she felt a little embarrassed and awkward. then he asked her about how she was. she just said "I am ok under the circumstances". she said it while trying to leave the room. Then as see was seeing that, he was repeating her words under his breath, "under the circumstances". She said there was this awkward silence while he was seeming to be busy. She said she did not know how to break the silence so she just walked out and left him alone. Now she's wondering if he thought it was rude for he to just leave like that. Its the first time they have spoken since he and his wife cam back from vacation.they use to talk easier abt 4 years ago. and it started to get weird when they try to communicate. sometimes he just gets sarcastic towards her and sometimes he ignores her completely with sadness in his face. she tries to avoid him. but when they are forced in a situation where they are alone. they make small nervous talk.The thing is that, she is saying she wasn't thinking and walked off without say "ok bye" or anything. and she actually had to walk quite a long yard before she was out of sight where she could have still said "see you later" or something, just to be polite.I think she's a little concern because she didn't want to give him another reason for any mad attitude from him later on. Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 October 2011):
 There is some bad blood and resentment that has built up between one or both of them. The 26 year old female and the 43 year old male, and it has not been resolved.
It may be a personal hurt or slight, since you have explained that there is no sexual tension between the two of them.
She is doing her best to avoid him. So she does not want his help nor his attention. The umbrella issue demonstrated that.
I have pondered, why is she such a threat to him? He is controlling and is ostracizing the female.
He is also using sarcasm. Therefore some of his alleged "helping" may be the opposite and instead his actions and "offers" may be actions that he knows will be rebuffed by the female.
When a person knows another very well, but there is "bad blood" then the aggressor may know the exact buttons to press to most upset the victim of their aggression. And yet still make out in public that he was "trying to help" when she is exasperated by his actions, when she knows he knows that he has done the one thing that she particularly would NOT like.
Both are stubborn. Both are unwilling to forgive. Though his actions are more deliberately designed to impact on her.
His remarks on taking notes are petty in the extreme. And judgemental. I passed all my exams because I am good at taking notes and lots of them. My notes were as good as a recording of the lecture. I found them excellent for reviewing later. One attends lectures to learn, in most cases, not just to adorn the room. He'd be scathing about my note taking :)
His remarks on note-taking were designed to humiliate. So very petty and nasty. And there is simmering aggression in his remarks just below the surface. He is seriously unsettled by this woman.
I am now leaning towards some sort of sexual rebuff between the two but I am note sure which one said "no", as yet.
The female is exceptionally hurt by his behavior - hence nothing he has offered will excuse what she is upset about.
The female is trying to keep the peace but is too meek by half. She needs to stop being so "nice" to him.
His intimidating looks must make others feel uncomfortable too. But he does not care. This is very personal betwen her and him.
Classic classic bullying to keep her out of the picture. The wife and the 26 year old still talk aand still have good communication. Surely not the eternal triangle with the husband on the outer? NO, I think it is between the 26 year old and the 43 year old man. of course he may just be a very insecure petty man.
He has a real nerve, based on your account that he arrogantly took her car without permission, namely: "Then he drove my friend’s vehicle out of the girl’s yard and did not even call her". I think he is too aggressive to put up with an unpaid loan from the 26 year old. If the 26 year old had borrowed money from the 43 year old and had not paid it back then I think the 43 year old would have no hesitation in taking her to court and humilating her. So it is not that. But who has such arrogance as to take a coleagues car without permission? Someone with a great sense of entitlement who has no manners and is not a gentlement, at least not to this 26 year old girl.
Perhaps he is just a bitter emerging old man who needs some therapy to become a human being? Perhaps he needs some intensive therapy to deal with his insecurities?
Perhaps the female already earns more than him.
I know I would not like this passive aggresive guy
|
