A
female
age
41-50,
*labla
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We had an amazing relationship. I got pregnant and had a miscarriage about 4 weeks ago. My boyfriend has been so busy with work that he has barely noticed. He has stopped calling me as often (sometimes for days at a time which never happened before) and stopped coming over. His excuse is that he is working 14 hours a day and when things slow down he can be there for me. I am lonely and sad and feel thrown away at a time that I needed him most. He can't even seem to have time to listen to my feelings about this. We used to be connected at the hip and share everything. I broke up with him last night and am really sad. Was I wrong?
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I don't think you were wrong.
You are going through a lot of pain right now, and to have someone who seems unconcerned only adds to the distress.
You could've been dealing with someone who didn't want to slow down and examine his own pain (let alone yours) for fear of how much it would hurt.
You have my condolences.
A
female
reader, bethz0r  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Did he know about the pregnancy before you miscarried? If he did, his reaction to that could tell you a bit about his actions afterward.It may be that he is trying to deal with his own emotions by throwing himself into his work. It's not the most helpful reaction for you, obviously, but it was his baby too, and if you guys were looking forward to this, it might be a coping strategy.Of course, that might not be the case. He might genuinely have a lot of work (though if so, I'd be surprised - it does sound like an avoidance strategy to me) or he might have gotten a bit of a shock from the seriousness of the situation he found himself in - especially if you guys weren't planning a family right away. Whatever it was, you made a decision that you thought was best for you and no one can tell you that you were wrong about it. I would be inclined to try to talk to him at some point in the near future - he may be able to shed some light on his motivations. Having said that, it really is all about you at the moment, look after yourself and do what seems right for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Only you know for sure if that was the right thing to do. But as a guy, I can understand having to work long hours; I was told, either I work two shifts, or be fired. Employers are very insensitive to employees.My wife had told me she had 3 miscarriages; the first I know, but not the other two. I was shocked! I must admit, I didn't even notice, I didn't sense from her anything was wrong. So with this and many things, women MUST inform their man on these things, we can't always see things, and when we think we do, were usually told we can't, so we no longer bother for fear of being wrong again.I take it you both live in seperate homes. For your sake, it might help you to at least be a fixture in his life and live with him. I know that doesn't sound like a good life, but men do handle things differently, and when pressured, will usually back off, not try to make it work.I sense you broke it off just because you were mad and he not being attentive enough to you, I understand, but I hope you reconsider your position and give him a chance. Talk with him, and ask he make time for you, even if that means he sleeps on the coach and spends the night. In crisis, you both need to work as a team, a partnership; it can never be one-sided, otherwise, there will be problems in the relationship, that will turn you into bitter enemies.Take care. As my wife would say after these miscarry's: God has another one of our children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I do understand you pretty well. Unfortunately I also had miscarriage some month ago, and perfectly well imagine how you feel about this.Your bf just wasn't ready for serious relations, his excuse of much job is really poor. I know it will be much more difficult for you to overcome this stress by yourself, but anyway that guy wasn't eager to support and help you.Pay most of your attention to your health now. And make sure everything is going ok with your organism. What was the reason of your miscarriage?Be strong and healthy. Everything will be ok soon!Cheers,Mila
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