A
female
age
36-40,
*ontbeamenace
writes:I became single about 6 months ago, since that time I have been drinking too much and I have discovered that I am a very mouthy drunk. (Well who isn't..) I ended up drinking to blackout one night and went home with a friend of my brother. I didn't know him very well, but I did like him. Since then, I have tried to text him and such, but he won't have anything to do with me. I have resigned myself to the fact that he just isn't interested. Heres the crappy part. Last night I was drunk and high. We were all partying and some girl was hanging off of me. I was trying to get rid of her, and I tried to hook her up with this guys brother. Not only did we end up pissing him off (it was very early in the morning and we were very loud) but I was saying nasty things to try to convince her to stay with his brother. Sexual things, even saying that maybe he would join in. He never talked to me, I didn't even see him, but he locked me out of his house and then kicked his brother out.I guess this is less a question than a request for some help getting perspective. I feel (and know that I totally deserve to feel) like such an arsehole. I blush just thinking about the things I did and said. If ever there was a chance with this guy, there most certainly isn't now. I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this. What did you do afterwards?
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female
reader, dontbeamenace +, writes (11 December 2011):
dontbeamenace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the input. I appreciate the honesty supermum, and I agree with you. I was able to sit down and have a heart to heart with my brother (who was there, but not as far gone as myself) and he told me the aftermath of the party is not as bad as I thought. Not that that excuses my behavior.
I think I was still going through the post-breakup insanity, again no excuse, but I can see that the drinking and drug use was a way to self medicate. I am pretty shy at the best of times, but not when I'm drinking. I have decided that I'm going to lay off the sauce and get myself back into some semblance of order.
The guy, well, he isn't mad at me but I feel that I've made enough of a fool of myself over him. If he's interested then something will come of it and, if not, well.. easy come easy go. For now, I'm going to focus on getting schoolwork done, finding a better job, and making myself happy.
Thanks again all who gave me some advice and input. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who has messed up in such a way, and I appreciate the kindness you've all shown with your concern and honest answers.
D
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): I feel like this is a story I could have written myself years ago. After break ups I would go a bit crazy in party mode, never black out, but definitely do some regretful/embarrassing things while drunk.
First, you should apologize. Second, don't drink so much! I know, I am the type the blurs the line of a nice buzz and sloshed, I try to maintain nice buzz and I go overboard and I think I am fun, but I am actually annoying. For me hard liquor and wine turn me messy, so if I go out now I stick to light beer if I know I will be drinking a bit, it helps
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 I would suggest that you apologize and the sooner the better. I would also recommend that you do it in person -- no cop-out text messages or phone calls (unless that's all you've got to go on).
Explain to them that you were drunk and that you apologize for all the rude things you said and that you wish you could take them back.
If things are going well and you can afford it, offer to take them out for dinner or lunch, on your dime. They may not accept your apology, but at least you had the nuts to humble yourself.
While off subject, I'd take a look at your drinking and drugging habits. Blacking out is a serious condition when it comes to substance abuse. If you are having problems controlling your partying, I suggest finding help. There is no light at the end of the tunnel that you are going down.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Here is the solution. Don't get drunk and high! You are old enough to know better!!!!Yep, you messed up big time, and you have more than likely blown your chances with this guy, I know I would not go near anyone who behaved the way you did. The solution? Learn from your mistakes. Stop the drugs completely, cut down on the drinking to excess and behave like the lady you should be. When that happens, you will become a million times more attractive to the men you are trying to attract. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think you need a harsh opinion here. You let yourself down more than anything. When you want to do something, think about whether or not you would find it attractive in another. The behaviour you are showing could be expected of a teenager, not someone nearing their 30's!So, take a good look at yourself, and try to figure out exactly where you want to be. Then make small goals to help you reach the bigger goal. Once you are happy with yourself and where you are going, the guys will be falling at your feet.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (10 December 2011):
The simple problem here is drink and how it affects you.
That's what you need to focus on, not dwell on what you have done.
So you're single yes, but why do you feel the need to go out and get absolutely blotto? Did you do that before?
Drink in moderation, and also look at which drinks you are drinking. Some have more of an effect than others.
And for the record, drink does not make everyone mouthy.
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