A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been on and off with my boyfriend of almost two years. I feel like our relationship has gone through a very rough patch. It is not easy, even though we loved each other. All these times I have been working hard to make the relationship to work, i have tried to open lines of communication, tried to be a peacemaker and tried to motivate him into being a better person and motivate ourselves as well... until recentlyI felt like i cannot take it anymore... I have been contemplating a breakup and I became specific of the things I am looking for.. I am looking for a man who knows what he wants, who is at a better job. A spiritul person who understands life and who understand that women are supposed to receive love more often and they cant be spiritual and financial providers in a relationship... I took a break from my relationship for the whole month of February. I went back to him because I missed him so much. The problems I broke up for are still there, even though he promises to try harder....when i was trying to be patient with him something swayed my heart and mind at a speed of soundRecently a high school friend of mine contacted me and we had an interesting talk which led us to liking each other and wanting a relationship... I told him I am with someone, but we didnt go in detail... it has been two weeks now, we chat more than 5 times a day through email, phone and yahoo chats. It is exciting and we express how we feel about each other and we tease each other about the things we did in highschool.. we chat about serious stuff, we laugh.. I am beginning to fall in love... firstly i was scared, because I do not want to be driven by emotion.. He told me he feels the same way... He doesnt wanna be too much and scare me, he doesnt wanna rush me in anything, he understands maybe he has a duty to create environment where we are free and close and open to each other... I just like his openness..We have been finding each other and we plan to meet soon so we can make our relationship official. He lives in two hour flights away..which is quite far. we discussed the distance issue and we plan to work around it...For some wierd reason, I have now been constantly thinking about my friend, imagining how would it be when we meet as "dating" what will i say to him. I imagine us kissing hugging etc. I picked up he is a spiritual person, he is sensitive and exploratory. It has been absolute fun and we excite each other everyday since we started communicating. He possess most of the things I am looking for in a man... I do not know if I m blinded by infatuation or if this can be the real thing.... He says he likes me beacuse he thinks I am clear of what I want in a man, even though I did not say it plain out what I want. He constantly gets impressed...I just want to go for this it feels real. We agreed we will not have sex until we are exclusive... we speak openly about expectations and personal preferences and now I feel much ready to move on since I have been attempting for a long time...I have lost interest in the current relationship and I do not think much about my boyfriend since im taken over by this new love... what do you think I do? follow my heart?
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female
reader, tired82  +, writes (4 April 2009):
 Remember you can't change anyone. You have to accept them for who they are. With that said it seems like you love your boyfriend but are feeling a little lonely because he's not demonstrating the extra attention you need. You are looking for flaws in him to get away from him because you feel he doesn't love you enough. Been there done that. Just don't leave the one you love for the one you like because as another aunt said the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. Once your freind isn't giving you the attention you want you will then be looking for flaws in him. Just my thought.
A
female
reader, lillymay  +, writes (3 April 2009):
 hi there,
it sounds as if the relationship u r in has run its course regardless of anyone new in your life.first of all from what u have said it sounds as if u have outgrown your man.to have a clear mind u should be honest with your partner and tell them that its over,but be as nice as u can and dont be cruel.
in this new relationship,i would advise you c how you feel after a few weeks of being alone,without your current boyfriend.its very easy when you r in an unhappy relationship,your mind can run away with itself.things always are more exciting when we cant have it or it has the riskfactor.its also very exciting when its an old flame or crush.you have things in common,a past!
you sound as if you have been doing some soul searching as a person and you no exactly what you want from a man and your life,thats a nice position to be in,i have been there,its very empowering as a woman.
id advise that u make a clean break of things and spend a few weeks being in your own company and spending time with friends tring some new things as a strong single woman.
keep contact with the new love interest but dont make it to serious and intence to soon.take your time and enjoy it,flirt and have fun.its the best of both then,have a social life with your friends and a man u can flirt and have some fun with.
i realise this isnt all as easy as it sounds but take it one day at a time and think very carefully about the choises you are making,make sure they are the best decions 4 you.
good luck huni,please let me no how it turns out 4 u.xx
lillymay
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): I think you should bail on your boyfriend and not overlap the two. I deff think if your gut tells you it's the right thing then go for it.
If he truly treats you better and it's a much overall better set up than your boyfriend, I would give it a shot. Make sure you break it off with your boyfriend.
Buyer beware: if at any time your new guy was being used as a rebound or for any secretive stuff, your new guy may have to deal with trusting you to some extent because he saw what you did behind your boyfriend's back in order to start up with the new guy, you know what I mean? Just a warning... If that's the case, you may want to point blank tell New Boy, "Hey, I'm afraid you may have trouble trusting me because of how we started out while I was already in something else." and that may help.
Good luck!
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