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female
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anonymous
writes:Recently I signed up to a bdsm-based site on a drunken whim with my friends. I didn't really think about it and just deleted any emails from other members I recieved, until the other day when I recieved a message from a guy who seemed to speak my language too much for me to just ignore it. We started emailing each other and ended up swapping IM addresses. Oh and just to say, we hardly talk about sex at all, that is not the main focus of our conversations! He is into all the same things as me (not just sex-wise), is intelligent, friendly and polite and lives locally. But he is 34 and I am only 18! I have dated guys and have had sex before, but only with guys about my age, and I've never been on a date with a stranger before. We have considered the option of meeting up sometime and I'm very nervous. Has anyone got any tips on meeting someone off the internet safely, and what to expect? This is not a case of him being the 'perverted 34-year-old who can't get anyone his own age' - the reason he contacted someone as young as me was because I was one of the few girls who has the same odd fetishes as him. We are both looking for a serious relationship. Anyway, where/how should we meet? Should I treat it as a date? I have no idea but I don't want to miss out on this guy! Help! xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your answer and concern. God no, I'm not about to let him tie me up! You see, though we're both into that, the main thing we're into is cross-dressing. I like transvestites, and he likes being a transvestite. So that isn't a particularly violent fetish.
I will definatley ask some friends to watch out for me. Cheers!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): My concern is not that you are portraying yourself as an expert here...my concern is the opposite. The point is...exactly that...the guy is into BDSM..this is why he is on this site. You start out telling us that "on a drunken" whim you sign up on a BDSM site. So I suppose I am envisioning in my mind, a bunch of 18 year old friends having some fun and joking around on the internet one night. But, out of the blue and inexpectantly, you meet a complete stranger who has a fetish for BDSM which as I don't need to tell you, involves bondage, where both people derive pleasure from submissive/dominant roles. inflicting pain, humiliation and being tied up. Am I right on that assessment? He's on this site for the reason he wants to meet like-minded people. You are saying you like doing this as well. That's fine..each to their own. However....
My concern is for your safety. So that brings me to another point. You have met him off the internet. He likes bondage and all the stuff that goes with it. You have no clue 'who' he is except conversations you have had with him. Has he called you...have you heard his voice, have you even seen him on a webcam where you can see his actions, his expressions, his body language. What worries me, is that if you meet him, and the sparks fly, this chemistry may lead to 'sexual play' pretty quickly, or sooner than you want it to, and I have to say...in light of the BDSM fetish he has and you have...you may be putting yourself in a precarious, very vulnerable position with him. And even with just ordinary sex, a woman is vulnerable but at least she has her hands and feet free from restraints, to defend herself if she had to. If you're tied up, you could be in danger. I would think...it would take a lot of time and a ton of TRUST in getting to know another person before you even should ever venture into this realm of sexuality with someone. So if you meet him...really use your head here. Don't allow yourself to go into a sexual situation, too soon. I would think you would have to know him very, very well, in the real world (not the internet) before even considering any 'fetish' play.
Meet him in well lit public place. I suggest you have a couple friends sitting in the place, (in another area) just in case he turns out to be someone you weren't expecting and you have a back up plan to get the hell out of there. Go very slow with this guy and don't get talked into anything, too soon. I only say all this because..I am deeply concerned for your safety...in light of the type of fetish, BDSM is. Good luck and just look out for yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I haven't had staggering amounts, I admit I have only done a bit. But that isn't the point! I did say that the whole sex side of things isn't the main issue. I'm not trying to portray myself as an expert or anything, I just wanted a bit of advice on older men. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): You are just 18 years old, so is it safe of us to assume you have had a lot of BDSM sex before, dear? Could you clarify?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 Arrange to meet him in a public place .Get another friend to accompany you if possible.
Inform a friend or your parents where you are going and who you will meet in case anything happens to you.
If you want to feel safer, call your friend or parents every hour to say you are OK.
Do not accept a ride with him alone for you could be robbed or raped.
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