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female
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*earl
writes: My husband doesn't have sex with me. About three months ago I took a lover, who is also married. We met online and his wife recently found out about the affair and has requested a divorce. I am very distraught because I am very emotionally attached to this man and do not wish to lose him as a lover. I need to know how much space should I give him so he understands that I empathize with his problem. He has not wanted to see me for a few weeks now and I am a wreck. I may even love him. What can I do to help him but help myself as well. I know I shouldn't pressure him but is it o.k. to nudge him a little or will this just push him away more? Help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, racenbuddy8102 +, writes (15 July 2005):
Having been in a situation much like yours, I believe that you are looking for something that may not be there. Try seeking some help from a professional, finding out why this happened in the first place. Not feeling loved?? Not enough attention ?? Might be a reasonable answer you have the answers inside and need to find them before you can have a good loving relationship not only with yourself, but with another. Get happy with yourself first!!!
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 July 2005):
 I think you must know that morally and emotionally what you have done isn't right and the same applies to the married guy; he also shouldn't have had an affair with you. Too many people get hurt and now you are hurting too.
Consider couples counselling with your husband. Do you want your marriage to work? It isn't fair on him that you have been doing this behind his back.
Consider what you really want and work towards achieving that. Leave your husband if he isn't right for you and the relationship has died. Don't be unfaithful to him.
Spend some time on your own and think about what you really want from a man. Hopefully the single ones are preferable and think about ways of improving your life for the better.
Good luck.
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female
reader, mamma +, writes (12 July 2005):
LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!He has made it clear who he wants to be with and ITS NOT YOU! You dont make any mention of your husband is this because he hasnt found you out you think its ok just to cheat on him.Do you think its fair to let him believe his marriage is a bit rocky but little does he know that you are just biding your time to see if someone else's husband wants you and then your own husband is history HOW SELFISH ARE YOU???Leave your husband if your not happy and then you are free to do whatever you want without hurting everyone around you.Also find a single man someone who doesnt have ties.Leave your lover alone and let him try and salvage his marriage.If its you he really wants then he will come to you.Try to take the time to find out why your husband doesnt want sex ,there could be a problem that you havent bothered even to ask about.Having sex with someone else isnt the answer especially someone elses husband.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (12 July 2005):
Leave this man alone! he will be going through a difficult time in his marriage just now and i believe that you would just add fuel to the fire if you were to contact him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2005): I guess this will be the real test! I don't know if you should put any more pressure on him right now at this point.If he truly has feelings for you he'll let you know when he is ready! Right now his heart strings are tugging in both directions. How long has he been with his wife? Is there kids involved? She may want the divorce..but maybe he won't. Has he said he'll leave his wife for you? These are all answers that you have. I think he does owe you the answer of where you stand in this love triangle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2005): If he doesn't want to see you, then that is a "huge hint" right there. It seems as far as he's concerned-the affair with you, is over. It's likely he is trying to work out his marriage problems with his wife, problems that came about after he committed adultry with you and he got caught. Amazing how some men do this. They get a bit bored with their marriage and they put giant efforts into having some "sex" on the side rather than trying to enhance and make their marriage remarkable. It's obvious to me..this man loves his wife and family very much. She found out about his affair and was willing to divorce him. Now, he's trying to clean up the mess he created. Leave him alone and try to move ahead with his life. Perhaps you need to take a hard look at your own marriage and try your best to make it a happy one. If you aren't willing to do that...let your hubby go so he can find a happier exsistance -perhaps he can eventually find a woman who loves & appreciates him..someone who takes him as is and can make him happy. As for you, stop messing around with other women's husband's. Go find some purpose in your own life..and be the best that you can be.
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