A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19, and I've been meeting guys off the internet. I've already met 3 this week, I've had sex with 2 of them and realised I like 1 of them. I've met him twice, but we only met for sex. He wants to meet me again and knows I have an 8 month old son. I want a relationship and a father for my son, but I don't know how he'll take it.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (19 January 2008):
 Glad to have been of help. I still think you should take it on step at a time with this guy and do not show yourself desparate to find a substitute father for your son otherwise you may just shoot yourself in the foot.
I don't think it is a good idea to introduce your son to too many potential substitute fathers, he may get too attatched and end up disappointed if that guy does not stick around. Take your little man to a baby and mother group, that way you will be spending quality time with him as mum and son and he will give you the best love more than any other man can (Trust me I have been there).
Men just come and go, but you have got your lovely son for life, so please make the most of being a mum to him. Love Dusky xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks people, great advice. You're all right I should be thinking about my son. I've stopped meeting guys off the net and I'm going to concentrate on college. I still see this guy, but I don't know how to say no. I do want to find a father for my son and from now on I won't jump into bed with the first guy I meet. Thank you again!
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (15 January 2008):
You are going in a completely wrong way to find a father for your son.
1. Meeting them for casual sex is wrong and you can catch a STD off these guys.
2. I think you should concentrate on being a good role model for your son and also concentrate on raising him instead of going out and looking for cheap thrills with these guys.
3. I think you should be upfront with any guy that comes into your life about having a child. Honesty is the best policy.
4. By all means go out occasionally with your friend, but I am urging you not to jump into bed with the first guy you meet.
5. Have some self respect for yourself, and if you do want a boyfriend, date him for a good few months before you sleep with him. That way you know that this guy is gonna stick around and not take advantage of you.
6. Lastly please be careful before you meet these guys, make sure you tell a friend where you are when you go on a date just to keep yourself safe. As there are lots of unscrupulous guys out there who could be a potential rapist or murderer. Play it safe, you owe it to your son.
Dusky xxx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Wow, meeting multiple men just for sex! Instead of wondering if one of them would be a father to your son I'd be wondering what kind of example are you setting for your son?! Stop this nonsense at once and behave yourself for his sake if not for your own.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 I apologize if this sounds harsh. If at 19 years old you're meeting and having sex with multiple men in one week, whilst you already are a single mother, you should sit back and take stock of yourself and your behaviour before launching yourself into a serious relationship. Continuing like this is not going to lead you to a better life.
Meeting men on the internet, meeting them 'just for sex', is not going to help you build a solid, lasting, respectful relationship. With a man, but also with yourself. Rule number 1 with men (I wish more girls were told this), is that if you sleep with them straight away then it's much harder for them to see you as long-term girlfriend material.
Without knowing more about you its hard to offer any specific advice. All I can say is, from what little you wrote, you show the signs of having either low self esteem or difficulties with how you relate to men on a meaningful level. This may not be true, but its possible, and you should consider it.
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Is this a joke? do you really think he be the father to your baby? the last two times you saw him, you had sex. You only meet for sex. If you want a proper relationship, get off the net and get out and meet someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): You are meeting guys off the internet?! Girl are you crazy? Don't you know how dangerous it could be with all the WACKOs out there?
And another thing is... aren't you afraid ao catching AIDS? You know, it is still out there.
To answer your question... yes tell him about your child... the sooner the better. If you want a relationship with any one, don't keep any secrets. Because if the man finds out later, he will resent you for not telling him up front. Honesty is the best policy.
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