A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,Short summary: my x-gf cheated on me with her x-bf, I knew about it ~1 months later (when she came back from her vacation and I came to the airport to meet her and saw them together). Few days later she called me crying saying she is confused, don't know how it's happened, asked if there is still a chance I will take her back..blah blah blah....Frankly, I really love(d) her and probably would give her a second chance, but I would expect some real actions from her side and not just "I am sorry". Meanwhile she still with her X (funny..., I am her X now, not him...but you got the point).Last week she called me, but I blocked her number with automatic msg. that the number is disconnected. She called me again few days ago, I still blocked her number with another automatic msg. where I said that she really hurt me (in case she didn't realize it), nevertheless I forgive her, respect her decision to get back with her X, said her goodbye and wished her good luck in the future...Now, I have two goals:1) I want her backif not, at least 2) I want her to realize that she made a wrong decision and deeply sorry about it.Two questions:1) If I'm not answering her calls - what she can conclude from this ?Of course, the most naive conclusion is "he hates me and don't want to talk to me". But the truth it, I am tired of her words, I want some actions (she knows it, I told her so many times "Actions speak loader than words". She still knows how to find me (she knows where I live and work) and it's only 5-10 mins form her. Is it too much to expect from her ? To make this extra effort, to come to me, look into my eyes (which she always said she loved) and say to me what she wants to say to my face and not over the phone ? Is it too much to ask after what she did ?2) I almost sure she may call me again sometime soon (may be I wrong though), but still, I want to be prepared. So I prepared this automatic reply:Hon', if you called me to say "I'm sorry" again, first of all don't be, since this is what you wanted. Actualy, I am the one who sorry for not being the Man who could eventually make you happy. Even if it still hurts me I respect your decison completely cut me out of your life without even seeing and talking with me first. I do my best to keep my promise not to be an interference to your life. Don't worry, I am not angry at you, coz as I always told you, you should do what is good for you first; and this what you did. I still can not stop thinking about you and promise to remember you as the most beautiful, sexy, funny, loving, carrying girl I ever been with. No doubt you were my world, but I accept the fact that you are forever gone. From all my heart, wish you all the best. P.S. hope you will remember how we 'colored' 3 times in one hour and my favorite ZZZZ-icecream (-- remark: she knows exactly what I mean)I don't want to sound pathetic and clingy, but still don't want to shut the door completely (I could say "don't call me ever again")...yet....I want her to be really really sorry and sad about herself and what she did.Will it do it ? You opinion very appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the first two answers, some clarifications..
Of course I want to meet with her and at least to understand what happened. She left as my gf, came back with her X (and I couldn't even approach her there). The problem, that for my best knowledge, he is totally controlling her (including her phone calls, messages, emails, etc...) She even asked me not to contact her because he is very jealous for me. So I told her, don't worry I will not interfere you (and I don't). The thing is - I am almost sure, she is calling just to say "I am sorry" (in 1000 time), which I sick to hear...
I assumed if she really wants me back, she needs to make some move - first of all break with him, secondly come and talk with me. Am I wrong ? Is it too much ?
I can understand her - she may be don't want to break up with him before she 100% sure that she can be with me. But, one can not play with people like with shoes...Or may be it is "normal" to have a backup guy before she makes such a decision ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): The automatic reply sounds kinda juvenile, i think if you keep on blocking her calls she will keep on thinking you don't want anything to do with her. Be a grown up and set up an appointment where she is welcome to come talk to you face to face, if she shows up you have your chance to say whatever you want to say. You cannot manipulate her into feeling guilty by sending sad automatic reply texts.
You said you want her back...be prepared for her not wanting you back, that is a possibility!
All the best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Weird. How about you just talk to her.
Failing that... call it quits, she cheated on you once... why did she do it? Opportunity? Missing something in the relationship? It'll happen again....
I don't believe the theory 'once a cheater always a cheater', but I do believe if cheating happened in a relationship... then there is something in the relationship that precipitated it.
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