A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to know or get a man's perspective to why men go back to have "encounters" with their ex wives? What is happening in man life when in reality he already moved on with someone else but still see his ex once in a while for sex even when he treats her like he doesn't care? I am asking because this happened to me. My ex already had a girl friend and was seeing me behind her back. He treated me like crap during and after she was told of his encounters, but even after that he continued to call to meet with me. Not taking into consideration my outburst when I asked him to leave me alone, my phone used to ring with his number on my caller id and still, he used to remain quiet on the line. Can someone break this situation down and tell me what really happened in this case? What the hell was going on his mind? I admit I used to seek for him but still! he would respond to me and bring himself to my home! He blamed me for it, he used it as the only reason he met with me, because I used to invite him! Months has passed and he calls once in a while "to hear about his child" which I doubt it's of interest to him being that he does not see our child during his visitation dates. It's been months! I usually stay with my parents, however the other day I decided to spend time with my daughter at my house. When he was informed that I was staying at my place with my child, he got bothered. Can someone please help me understand what this is all about?Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also feel that he is punishing me for getting pregnant. He told me over and over..."I didn't want this" I think back and realize that i haven't been able to enjoy my baby as much as I wanted to. My life with my child and that idiot was a torment. I can never forget the past, when he had me leaving our home with my child late at night, a bag of my baby clothes and off I would go in the night hurrying to my parent's house. He never turned to us. My parents would take me back with the baby to him and he would open the door with the meanest look on his face. I went through torments of him leaving me alone to sleep in the room, turning the central electricity off because he paid for light, and calling cops on me for any other reason. He took my keys away from me by force. I had to stay at my parent's house leaving my baby's clothes still hanged up in the closet and his crib for months. He never turned back. Later to give my parents a speech. That he gives up on me and the child and didn't want to do anything with me. I never wanted to be a single parent and yes, I loved him. I humiliated myself and even begged for his forgiveness just to have him back for years. Till the day he rejected me for that other woman. My heart turned up side down, and all that bounced of it was hate. He kicked himself out of my heart. And that's when he started to ask for "encounters" with me, calling for stupidities, and wanting to show up out of no where.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKiwi, why do I care because I am afraid of what this man could do against me. That is why. He is what I call a "strategic planner", he does his schemes in a very sneaky way. Many times I have fallen, even when he use to take me to court, he would play like everything is fine, would talk to me like nothing ever happened. The next day, he will be in court back stabbing and looking at me like he never knew me. I think that I am blind to many things, later in the day I catch myself realizing things I should have realized in the very beginning. I am not a social person, I don't have friends to share perspectives, a person to give me the heads-up so that I can prepare myself. I am not proud at all of that son of a *****, instead I hate him with all my gutts. I am going through severe depression, and it's untreated. Untreated because medications gave me "ideatiaons". I can't stop him from seeing me when he decides to his see his child. He would leave me in peace for a couple of months without even showing up to see his child for visitation. Later in time, he shows up with a fresh look on his face. To bother me and he plays it off like "I'm here to see my child". i'M HERE TO SEE MY CHILD!!!Damit, five months ago when he was disappeared his child was meaningless to him! Now god forbid I say this in court. They treated me like sh*it! It didn't matter what I said, how many days he missed, if he felt like coming back out no where, then let it be! AND I HAD A LAWYER! who did nothing for me. sometimes i felt like my lawyer advocated for my ex! That is why he abuses all the free ways the court grants him. And what am i to do? Desperation comes upon me and all I want to do is grab and run. My parents often stay with my daughter, and I see myself as uneccesary when I'm in pain and desperation Yes, I know, it's an extremely selfish way of thinking. But i just want him to leave once and for all as he told me one day. My child and I don't need him. He never had an interest in his child, not even on the day I told him I was pregnant. He opted that I aborted, I didn't so he went through extreme anxiety. To the point where he once contemplated leaping from a building. My life is enveloped in complete solace. It is taking a toll on me and I already feel completely affected. Nothing changes, life continues black and white. Just a gray blog....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): 70% of divorced couples have sex after the divorce is final.
I think it has to do with being the alpha male, exerting control. Some guys think they own a girl during and after a relationship and cannot accept the rejection by the girl (even if she didn't originally reject him). Some even stalk ex-gfs to try and maintain control.
I think it is that simple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): It sounds like he has not completely let go of his wife. It could also be that she is lonely and accepts just having sex as a way of feeling close to someone. He doesn't seem to be very considerate either of you or of her, if he rings you and goes silent; that is quite threatening.
Try and stop trying to work him out. You are better off without him.
Hope a female perspective helps too.
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