A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidSorry for rantingI'm in my late 30's, had 2 long term relationship. Ex bf wanted to marry a hot girl after being with me for 5 years. Ex husband is so clingy and jealous and emotions and physical abuser, had to end it.Little about myself, I'm an average looking person, have good job and no friends.So after both failed relationship, tried online dating, almost everyone I met either wants to have sex during first meeting or want me to send my naked pictures. Connected with one person, looked decent but he wanted to see my boobs during video chat and that was that.I feel depressed all the time that I will end be alone. So called friends they call me only when they need something from me, like a place to crash or borrow money, else never even talk to me.Is it me, why does it feel like everyone wants to get away from me. Pls don't tell me I should stop looking for love, I tried didn't work out either and I tried to join some groups, not much of a help either. Will appreciate all your comments. Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2015): That's the purpose and advantage of online dating. It can be used for speedy hookups. You have a huge selection of options; so you minimize rejection, if you're into that sort of thing.
You do get to choose your friends, including the fellas you invite into your life. You have to screen people better and learn not to lend your friends money. That will turn you into an ATM machine; and they will hide when the time comes for payback. Think a little about your choices. The type of people you choose to be around; and consider where and how you met them.
Loneliness will often shut-down our filtering processes, and we'll desperately lower our standards to make friends or get dates.
I've done it, everybody has at one time or another. You can't be too discriminatory either; or you'll have no friends. Just judge them by how they treat you and learn to let them go when they seem neglectful, mean, or needy.
As for guys, you have to go through the weeding and cherry-picking process. Choose them like you choose fresh produce at the farmer's market. Check for bruises, worm holes, rot,fungus, bad smells, and maggots. Go only for rich color, sweetness, and freshness. But then, you've got to offer them the same in return. You can't complain about how terrible men are, if you yourself have bad taste in men; and carry baggage full of faults and flaws. Nobody's perfect, but you should be as good as whomever you're looking for.
Date whenever and often as possible. Don't worry if it's only short-term. It's for the exposure, fun, and variety.
Don't manhunt for a husband. Desperation dilutes your logic and common-sense. You'll say and do stupid things, and make bad choices. Been there and done that.
Take more time to get to know them before sex. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. Lay it out on the table who you are as a person, explain your values; and then carefully listen to what men tell you about themselves. Not just what you want to hear, but truly about their personalities. Keep your eyes open for red-flags; and don't shut your eyes hoping you don't see any.
The internet is still full of "people." The same people you may meet any other way. Only trolls, pigs, and predators enjoy being anonymous. It's easier to set people up, and snare their unsuspecting prey; while hiding behind a screen.
Talk to your friends, educate them about your rules and boundaries. Learn to say no. Clean house, and put human rubbish on the curb. Stop lending, and tell them all that you don't lend money anymore! They'll disappear one by one out of self-elimination. If you have to buy them, they weren't friends. They're not borrowing, they're mooching!
Do charity work, volunteer at local hospitals, and join professional networking clubs. Get a hobby and learn to create. You'll meet a higher standard of people. Getting involved in helping others will expose you to men with good hearts and strong character. Just be sure they're single, good men are usually attached. If not, they want to be!
We are generally overlooked; because sometimes we don't standout like the good-looking macho belligerent guys, full of hot air, and puffed-up egos. Or, we're not like the bad boys; who offer you a lot of drama and soap opera theatrics.
Keep looking, weeding, date for fun, get exposure, choose nicer friends, have patience, and have a positive attitude.
It takes all of the above. You're dating human beings, remember?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 December 2015):
 That's the risk with online dating, you may need to get through a lot of frogs to find your prince charming. It's the sad truth that a lot of men are only on these websites to have sex with someone. Make sure that you write on your profile that you are not looking for one night stands ect.
I'm sorry that you have had a few bad relationships but do not let them define who you are, don't let them hold you back from making new relationships. If you are honest with men about what you want then that should be good enough. A word of encouragement is to take it easy though you don't want to scare them away either by getting to serious to quick, just be laid back and enjoy yourself.
Now as for your friends only using you, well you need to show them that this is not acceptable, if you do favors for them and they do not return them or make an effort with you well then they are not friends, therefore I suggest that you wash them out of your life and make new friends. Yes this can be scary but it is possible. Take up some hobbies where you have the chance to meet new people, be forward and friendly and you will meet new people who can be potential friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2015): Internet dating is full of creepy men and people who just want sex. It's also full of creepy women! The thing is you need to hang on in there and weed out the rubbish. When a man starts talking to you like that either say please don't be inappropriate as I don't know you or just stop talking to them.
There are plenty of nice people on dating sites too, you can have multiple conversations with people and just end the ones that don't make you comfortable.
I went through a stage when I thought friends only talked to me when they needed something, but then I realised that that's what friends are for! You give them a place to crash, you do favours for them.
I think you feel a bit burned by your relationships and maybe it's not the best time to start dating until you no longer feel hurt by what the last two people did.
I was with the father of my children for 8 years, he never wanted to marry me, he ended up meeting a woman and getting married within 8 months. But do you know what it's his loss! There are plenty of men who are hotter than him, nicer than him! That's what you need to think. He made you feel like this other woman was better but there are millions of men better than him.
Five years is actually quite a long time as relationships go so he couldn't have been that unhappy with you. I know lots of people who haven't had a relationship for longer than maybe a year. It just ran it's course, don't think hotness has anything to do with it.
I don't think you should stop looking for love you just have to try your best to feel like you were better than these guys you were with before and have lots to offer somebody else.
I just turned 31 and sometimes it feels scary that I'm getting older but being in your 30's is not old really! You have lots and lots of time left. I think maybe you are a bit impatient to find a new guy. Concentrate on chatting to people for a while and tell people to bugger of if they are slime balls.
By the way what is your picture like on this dating site? I'm not saying you can't have a photo where you can see your cleavage but is it at all provocative? Yes you should be able to have the girls on display lol but does it attract the wrong kind of guy the photos you have put up?
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