A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a separated woman in a relationship with a separated man.Both of us dont want to get back in our tragic marriages. He is the shy types and i am a hard die romantic but both of us like each other as we are simple honest people. I have met all his friends but he has not yet taken me home to meet his family whereas he eats and dines with mine regularly.I put him on priority in my life as am very insecure of losing him but i often feel am last on his priority list. Lately i feel he takes me for granted. I am a person who loves and gives a lot in a relationship. He often gets short with me if i call or message him out of routine and talk long.He is used to his independence and doesn't want to be bound in any manner though he is not a womaniser. I am in this relationship since 4 months. I feel insecure at this age--with a child and a failed marriage there may not be very good men around. Men do seek me but they only want sex. This guy wants emotional bonding with me but at his terms. He has given me mixed signals--initially he told me he is looking for remarriage and likes my talkative nature--now he seems to get irritated. I do not understand him.I do not want to be walked over again by another man and want to restore my self respect but at the end of the day I feel maybe I shud be happy with his good points and wisdom and stop waiting for Mr perfect who may never come. We have been intimate only twice and it seems only me who is keen to meet him--who makes plans who shows eagerness--i ask him why cant he also show any interest in me then he says he is shy and cant express himself..i share every second of the day with him, seek his advice, share frustrations and joys while he silently listens but doe snot respond in the same manner. But if he is in a bad mood and i call him, i get the shit as well though he is quick to apologise too..i do care and love him a lot but i dont want to be used again...i cannot change him but want to change myself....please guide me how to do that....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (14 September 2008):
If i were you stop calling him. Tell him that you are tired of doing everything yourself and when he is ready to assume so responsibility you would be more than happy to talk or go along with his plans. Tell him exactly how you feel and see if he comes back or not. If you continue to do everything you wont be happy even if it does turn into a relationship. If he cares he'll be more attentive and start to make plans. He knows what you like to do so see if he calls. Just make sure to tell him how you feel so he knows he hasn't lost his chance yet.
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