A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This might be a little long so i apologize for that in advance:)So i have a friend i've known for several years. Met him on a social networking site and we pretty much hit it off from day one. He's from another country - I'm in the U.S and he lives in Holland. I believe we have a lot in common, we've discussed many topics and i never tire of debating with him. As i got to know him i began to care for him. We've seen/talked to each other countless times on skype and over the phone and even send each other gifts twice a year.But not everything is perfect. A few years after we started talking he got himself a girlfriend. I was a little annoyed about this at first but then accepted it and felt we could still be friends. And besides their relationship was 'open' so things between us didn't change.We still sent each other gifts, talked over skype etc.. I even got to know his girlfriend a little bit and decided i liked her. She was okay with me talking to him and funnily enough she and i became chat buddies.Well around christmas of last year they broke up. And he was miserable. I talked to both of them during this time so i heard both sides of the story and at times felt like the 'middle-man'. He was honest with me from the start and told me their breakup was temporary but that they just needed time apart to think things out.Needless to say their breakup brought us closer and i really felt there was something there. We spent a lot of time talking on skype and cam after that and he told me he didn't want to talk to anyone else. He'd wait online for me and we'd just stay up all night talking. I felt bad for him because i knew how miserable and depressed he was over his breakup and i just wanted to be there for him, in anyway i could. In May they got back together and i decided i didn't want to talk to him anymore. I thought that if we weren't friends it would be better for me and i wouldn't get hurt. Truth was i cared a lot about him and even though i knew they'd get back together i still took it hard. So i wrote him an email telling him exactly that. I really didn't think he'd care because we've never met irl and well because he has a girlfriend. But i found out later how wrong i was about that. He was really upset with me and hurt that i would just throw away a friendship like ours that's lasted all these years. He said me saying i didn't want to be friends was hurtful and he felt like he didn't mean anything at all to me.Then his girlfriend told me how upset he was about it and that my letter even surprised her. She told me he did care but he just didn't know how to handle the situation.Fast forward and we end up talking again but it's just not really the same. It was as if my letter changed everything. Like he'd be online but he wouldn't really talk to me and i started thinking 'oh well he's only online to talk to his gf.' I started getting jealous and upset because they were spending all this time together and i couldn't be with him. And resented the fact that he'd spend all his time online talking to her even though he could see her anytime in real life. I mean here i am on the other side of the pond he can't spare 20 minutes out of his time to talk to me or atleast say hello?So i ended up telling him again that maybe it would be better to just stop speaking altogether. He could go on living his life and be happy and i'll go on with mine.Again he got really upset and i just got confused. I didn't know what he wanted. He seemed happy with his gf and i felt like we were hardly speaking anymore anyway so i just didn't understand why he wouldn't agree with parting ways. He said he did really care about me and him having a gf never changed that. He said the reason why he doesn't really talk to me isn't because he's busy but because he doesn't have anything to say. And he said he couldn't just throw away our friendship because we've known eachother for too long. His exact words: "i can't and i won't"After that i promised him i wouldn't bring it up again and i haven't. And really I don't want to hurt him.So anyway that all happened last year. Now we're here in 2011 and we're still talking. I've come to terms with the fact that he has his life outside of the internet and i have mine. I don't take it too serious anymore and i can finally say i'm okay with just being friends with him and having it only be that.I've moved on and we're finally on the same page but for some reason he still gets jealous when i talk about other guys...For example: I told him i was going to hang out at my friend's house and he said he was insanely jealous because i was gonna be at his place. But he said he knew his jealousy wouldn't stop me and he didn't really want it to.So yeah anyway I'm going to be in Germany in August of this year and told him i'd come see him in Holland. It'll be our first time meeting irl in the 7 years of knowing eachother. We're both really excited but i'm kind of nervous about all this.What if i don't like him or he doesn't like me?What if he isn't at all what i expected?I'm kinda scared the past will resurface and when i see him all these feelings ive worked so hard to get rid of will suddenly come crashing down on me.So i guess that's the advice im needing.. what would you do in my situation? After reading a brief summary would you say he's sincere or is he only playing head games? Should we just be internet friends? I don't even know how he really feels. I feel like i'm gonna end up looking like a fool.Thanks to all who reads this:)
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broke up, christmas, depressed, get back together, got back together, has a girlfriend, his ex, jealous, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
Wow i can't believe how long it's been since i posted this... and so much has happened since then!
So he broke up with his gf for good a few years ago and he's single now. His job brought him to California last week and it was there that we finally met for the first time and we hit it off immediately! ;)
We spent time getting to know each other better and we slept together and it was amazing 3 I think i might be in love. He goes back to his country this sunday and i hope to see him again soon.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 You've been friends for a while, you are now going to meet him in the flesh. Yes things will not be as you expect because they never are once the friendship changes from 'virtual' to reality. Can y ou get through that and find a happy medium? That will only be revealed on the day you actually meet. Try to have an open mind and even if y ou don't feel for him when you meet or visa versa, try to have a nice day and enjoy yourselves. You never know, things may even turn out more than you expected. you won't know until the day.
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