A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf broke up with me after three months because hes going through a divorce and is very stressed and depressed. He moved out six months ago after their child had grown up after a long drawn out unhappy marriage. We had a lovely connection and I was willing to support him. He said the timing is so hard and he has no love for his ex but the stress of her threats while they sort out finances leaves him emotionally drained. He said he loves me and finds me incredibly attractive but feels its hard to give when he feels so low. He is never nasty about his ex but they had no intimacy for years. I love this guy and we connect so well on every level. He wants to meet me Saturday for a drink. Should I go or cut free. I want to go but I also accept if he cant cope with a relationship I need to let him go. Im very level headed about that. You cannot force things. You know when you meet someone that fits like a glove. Its not even about the sex but about their inner being. We both said it felt like the meeting of souls. I would always advise a friend to steer clear of a separated man. This feels so right in so many ways. Is there ever a point in being in such a difficult situation in sitting back and leaving things to flow. I believe in letting someone go if its not right. We both agreed no strings is not our style. He said lets meet and see what happens.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): Hi
I so don't agree with the others. If it was me, I would get on with my own life as I would if I was single, but keep an open attachment to this man and see if in the future anything happens. Why do you have to let go? Where's the rush? I think we don't go around finding people we're attracted to all the time and have a great connection with that is felt by both people. It sounds as if you have a lovely friendship/relationship and you can talk to each other with understanding and similar views.
So meet him and go from there. I wouldn't expect anything though, not yet. Go with an open mind and no expectations. He must want to meet you for a reason and if you were a rebound wouldn't he be rebounding elsewhere, rather than getting in touch again? If you can handle it emotionally, then go see him. Don't put your own life on hold, which I'm sure you wouldn't and what have you got to lose? A great guy and a great connection. Just give him space. One day, when he is over this and you were there for him throughout it, your bond could be even stronger in my opinion.
Good luck and don't give up too easy.....but also listen to your heart and your gut xx
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 April 2016):
 He stayed with you three months, which shows he did have an interest, but to me that probably was a rebound. He was not long out of his marriage, and he ended up in a relationship with you very quickly. It may have been an unhappy marriage but am sure he still has feelings and regrets. He still needs time to accept that it is over and to move forward. So he probably done the best thing breaking up with you so he could sort out his head and figure out what he really wants. He should be on his own until the divorce is settled and he gets his stress levels down. If he is suffering from depression well then he should seek medical advice.
It is lovely to hear that you where willing to support this man, I am sorry that you have been caught up in this mess, it is clear that you love him, and am sure he loves you as well in his own way. It just sounds like he is not ready to be in another relationship and I agree with him that he should take time out and build himself up again.
Personally I don't think it is a good idea to meet for a drink, yes you love him but he is not in the same place emotionally as you are and you will end up getting hurt, my advice to you would be to tell him you cannot be his friend as it will hurt to much. Just be honest with him and protect your own heart. I can understand when you are saying that it feels right, but for now he needs space and time. Who knows what the future holds but for now I think you both need to keep your distance.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 April 2016):
 I bet he IS a great guy, but he IS NOT ready to date. He tired only 3 months after leaving his family and it did not go well.
Till he has found his "happy place" again - he really shouldn't be dating. And that might take a while. Specially if there is still drama going on and the divorce ins't final.
While he MAY have emotionally detached FROM his wife, he isn't OVER what happened. He is still dealing with it and will be for a good while.
And I think dating or seeing you is because he WANTS to find that happy place again, but IN/WITH you and not within himself. And you CAN NOT fix things for him.
I think you are a bit of a rebound, and I don't mean that in a rude way. But it seems like he WANTS to feel loved - and who doesn't. However, does he REALLY have much to "give" to you? Emotionally?
I usually advice people to NOT date separated people. There IS a good reason why a divorce doesn't happen overnight. That you can't just say :"hey I'm done, sing the papers!" and be done with a marriage. The time where people separate the SHOULD spend that on refocusing their lives. Not trying to start new relationship while carrying around a lot of unfinished business and baggage. Because they ARE not ready.
He NEEDS to find his own two feet and BE his own MAN before dating again. Both for his sake, AND for yours.
So I'd advice you to let this guy go. IF in a years time, you are both SINGLE (that means divorced on his end) and both at a place mentally and emotionally where relationships can work, then go for it. As things stand right now? All you can really be is a "security blanket".
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