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female
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anonymous
writes: Was it my fault my ex was disrespectful to me? I ask this because even though he was emotionally abusive, maybe he disrespected me because I did what I orignially said I wasn't going to do (ex. have sex with him before marriage and get drunk)-of course some of this was pressured by him. By me giving in those first times to these activities when I said I wouldn't, did that make him disrespect me because he thought I was disrespecting myself. Am I to blame? If I would have stood up for what I believed in would he have never turned into an emotionally abusive jerk in so many ways?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (19 December 2007):
DO NOT think it was your fault!!! Because it wasnt!!! Your ex bf was an abuser and abusers abuse those they know they can manipulate, control and take advantage of. No one deserves to be disrespected, not you, not anyone.
You cant blame yourself for him treating you so badly. HE is responsible for his actions, ie. abusing you!
I cant explain how wrong it would be for you to blame yourself, so so so wrong.
Take a look at this web site called When Love Hurts. I found it very useful when I was in an abusive relationship. It talks about how often victims of abuse feel they are to blame for it, and it explains why its not your fault. So please, have a look, I think it may help.
http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/
I duno if the link will be approved or anything, if not, just tpye into google 'when love hurts'.
Hope this has helped :)
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