A
female
age
41-50,
*addie B
writes:I have a gay best friend and he and I have been best friends for 15 years. I am 30 and he is 33. We love each other in every possible way but sexually. He is my soul-mate and all I have ever wanted in a man. He treats me better than anyone ever has and makes me happier. He would make a better father than anyone in my eyes. We currently live together (strictly platonic) but we date other people as we choose. We have talked about having children and he says I am the only woman he wants to be the mother of his children. We want to pursue this, and continue our platonic relationship. We will marry, and have children (using at home artificial insemination). I want some advice on this. I read an earlier post where a woman described an almost identical situation she chose to make her family in. And I want to speak to her, but she chose to remain anonymous. So, if anyone else can relate to this and help me out with advice on the kids and how to explain our relationship to them in the future. I just need someone who can relate.If you have chosen a similar relationship and can discuss family issues and the like, please get in touch with me. Thank you for reading me very long (first!) post.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2013):
 You're selling both of yourselves short and settling for less that you deserve. It sounds to me that you feel more for him than he does for you. He is, after all, gay, and not interested in you sexually. He is a good friend, granted but that's not enough.
Your perspective is limited and you have no idea what you will miss out on if you wind up with him in some sort of open marriage.
He can have children with someone else and so can you.
I don't doubt that he's a great guy and a wonderful person but that doesn't make him your life partner.
I'd take a year off, from each other, do not live together and get on with your lives. Date and expand your horizons.
When you get some space and distance and perspective on this, I think you'll realize that you deserve more.
I did see a news segment on a US TV show about a gay man and a straight woman deciding to have a child together because they each wanted children and neither were in a committed relationship. The child shuttles back and forth between their homes, not unlike a child of amicably divorced parents.
Are you straight?
If you are, go to straightspouse.org and look there for people in somewhat similar circumstances.
I think life is too short to commit to a guy who doesn't love you heart BODY and soul.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
Sounds interesting but to me the big question is do you want him sexually? If not, great. Unconventional relationships are common, but nobody talks about them for some reason, so it always makes people worry that what they're doing is normal, will work out, etc.
I think that you have a good thing going here as long as the sex aspect is working for the two of you.
But, as SVC said, if you have an open relationship and meet someone who becomes more than a simple sex partner, how will you guys react to each other forming and emotional bond with someone else?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
 IF it works for you two and any other partners you bring to your marriage I think it's great.
HOWEVER... as society gets more and more ok with gay marriage I wonder if later on one of you meets your true soul mate.... the one that you connect with emotionally, mentally and physically, how will that bode for your relationship/marriage with your best friend?
will you guys divorce?
will you become poly?
have you even considered this?
or do you both plan to remain sexually celibate and forsake all others if you marry?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): Love means different things to different people ... Sometime sex never comes into it. . The only thing that I can say is you need to be very careful that you do not see him as a potential partner if your secure enough to say, no I love him but I don't want him sexually and your not jealous of any of his current or new partners then it could work. But before having adding children to the mix I would suggest living like this for a few years more and the seeing if you both feel the same . Relationships can break up in the normal nuclear family (and there not many of those) so think before you leap as having a baby and living on your own with your friend popping in help out may not be what you both say today, but it may be the reality if your friends partner says look I love you want to be with you but can't do this set up, he may choose the love of his life over the love of his deep friend ...Be careful be happy
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