A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently asked a question on here about what to do now that my boyfriend wished to propose but I wasn't sure I was ready. Recently my boyfriend and I have begun talking about our future, about what we want and about marriage and proposing. If it were up to him we would have proposing to me and given me a gift about 2 weeks ago. The thing is I told him I wasn't ready to propose. I had a whole list of reasons in my head, some of which I told him. He respects my choice to wait and to discuss the matter later. We still talk about our future, but the unknown scares me and the fact that I am not fully sure. Here is the list I have come up with so far as to pros and cons of becoming engaged at this time (while both of us are in our first year of college and having been dating for 2 months): Pros:- It’ll help us grow - It will guide us - It will show our commitment - As of now we aren’t leaving - It could be what we both want - It may make me happy - It may help keep us together - No one is ever fully sure - It will represent what we are both looking at- Age and time are just numbers - It will show trust - Show I am not ashamedCons: - things might change - I might change myself - I may never explore things as much as I should - Stats show higher divorce rate - I will have a harder time leaving him - He might not get to do as much as he wants in life - It might be for the wrong reasons - I can’t tell for sure if he is the one - I’m not fully sure it’s what I want - We’re still a bit young - We haven’t been going out very long - It won’t give me as clear a view - It scares me to think of forever - I am still having doubts Over all there are more cons on my list, but when you look carefully there are more pros that are not cancelled out by cons. The more I think about the matter, the more I think it might be true that we could become engaged. I have no intent of leaving him any time soon and I am happy with the relationship as of now. I'm not fully sure he is "the one" as he is my first ever real boyfriend and I feel I have little to compare the relationship to. He has his flaws and so do I. No one is perfect. I don't want to rush things, but at the same time I know if he is happy so will I. What do you all think about my personal case? Is it stupid or unwise to engage now? I am afraid down the road it will become a mistake and it will be difficult to leave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo unless I am without any doubts I shouldn't even consider getting engaged is what you are saying. If I were engaged I would have a long engagement and not rush into getting married, but I guess that doesn't matter. Thanks for the input. It makes sense. I guess my head is just confused and maybe excited at the idea and so I am not fully thinking. Does that make sense? So from your experiences when you find the special someone you will know for sure? Or do you just mean maybe in time I will know? If I am supposed to know when I find the right person, then wouldn't that mean he's not the one and I'm only hurting myself and him? If you could just clarify those things for me I'd be very happy.
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