A
male
age
51-59,
*eighbor Bill
writes: My wife and I have had a number of issues this last year or so. She left me in August, then told me in September she'd had an affair in April for a couple of weeks but broke it off (right when we started going to counseling). She only told me because she's pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. I went through hell over it all, but forgave her, she's now living with me and our daughter again. She's insisting that this other man be in the delivery room when the baby's born in case it's his--apparently if it is, he wants to be in the kid's life. I don't feel like I can do this, it's too intimate. I am planning on divorcing her if she doesn't change her mind (I haven't given her an ultimatum). I feel like I could handle him having visitation rights...but I won't share my wife. I'm pretty confused right now but feel like I have forgiven/put up with about all I can.
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male
reader, Neighbor Bill +, writes (24 January 2009):
Neighbor Bill is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to thank everyone for answering me. I have an update...
My wife and I are separated again, because she could not be honest with me about contacting this guy. It's really ironic: the phone call I questioned her on was the one where she (supposedly) told him not to call her again and he would not be in the delivery room; she had made her choice.
She just didn't bother to tell me about it. We had just went thru an entire day & night with me packing and her begging me to give her another chance...she convinced me to...didn't last twenty four hours, as one of my requirements was that she tell me if she had contact with him (about the baby or anything else).
Honestly, I knew she would be in contact with him. The chances that I am the father of this child are pretty slim, and she wants this child to have its father in its life (side note: the man she had the affair with is half black, so she's convinced I can't love a child that isn't mine because it wouldn't look like me).
The guy she had the affair with is fourteen years younger than her (my wife is 38 and very pretty); a waiter with no car and a criminal record. Oh, joy. He also wants to be part of the baby's life. Oh, joy. I'm pretty sure he thinks my wife will be part of the package deal...and I don't think she's dissuaded him from that until now.
My biggest problem is trust. She's only just now in the last few days opening up to me about what she's thinking...she knows she's seriously screwed up emotionally; I can't really blame her for stringing this guy along all this time, wondering what I'd do. I convinced her to come back to me...now I'm wondering if it was such a good idea.
I love her. Wish I didn't. I gave her complete freedom throughout our marriage, and look what it got me...if she can be honest with me, we have a shot...otherwise, no. What do you think?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): No way would I ask my husband who I am living with If another man ( father of the child or not) could be in the delivery room . If she doesn't want you in there then she should have her mother ,sister or close female friend. Wow , what a man you are for even taking her back and considering allowing the man to be in her and the childs life later. DNA test man prove you are the father then if he was in the delivery room and you weren't how would you feel then. Also, who is supporting her and the unborn child now? Who is going through all the emotional and stress issues with her that come up during pregnancy? YOU ARE!!!!Good Luck to you and your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): I don't think you will find anyone on this site that will side with your wife. She is pushing this way over the limit! I wish some guys would answer this question for you! It is so unreasonable to ask this of you! I can just imagine the pain you are going through. Maybe divorce is slightly drastic, although I'm not sure! She is telling you she still has feelings for this guy by wanting him there. A rational women would just be happy being back with her husband, and want to raise the baby as his! I can't imagine requesting such a crazy plan of her husband. She must be very sure of your love for her...or...just plain out of her mind!
I wish you luck and courage to make the right decision!
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