A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My question is simply what would you do in my situation and my situation is this....I am 19 years old about to be 20, last October I married my high school sweetheart of 3 years. We had a long distance relationship for the majority of its existence, he lived 60 miles away from me but we made the effort to see each other once or twice a week, we did break up my senior year for 3 months but got back together before I started college. He's a very sweet guy with a good heart and I know he cares about me, but as far as the physical parts of our marriage there is none and when there is I really don't get anything out of it. His father recently passed and I thought that had something to do with how our relationship had turned out, but then as I thought about it hes been like this before his dad died. It was in spurts but he was the same way. We don't really talk at all and really don't have that much in common. I'm a country backwoods girl and hes a big time city boy. I'm scared that I only married him because I just hated the long distance in our relationship.Please -I need some advice, I'm trying not to be selfish as I have been somewhat. I'm coming humbly for advice, I don't want to be 19 and divorced but I'm terrified thats where we are headed. Of course I don't want to be miserable and unsatisfied in my marriage either. I mean I am in the prime of my life here!
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 It takes two to make a marriage work so the first thing you have to do is ask how he is feeling about this marriage.
Tell him you think its time you talked. He will probably know whats its about. Dont do it as your about to leave for work, plan it and allow yourself plenty of time.
You both need to find out if you want the same things.
Do you want to spend the rest of your lifes together?
If the answer is yes then you need to work at this really really hard, all marrriages have ups and downs and you get out of it what you put in, if the effort is 0% then thats what you get back.
If one or both of you says no then you have to admit that you married too young, you didnt really know each other and havent made the effort to know each other since.
If you decide to make it work then it wont be easy, you will have to start all over again, make plans together, go out, do things together, rediscover each other sexually, smile and be positive instead of trudging along being miserable.
Oh and by the way you are not in the prime of your life, it thats true then whats left for the next 60 odd years!!!! You will grow as a person and change so much over the whole of your life.
If it doesnt work out at least you tried. If you dont want to make it work then ok you'll be divorced but if thats the only answer then so be it. Just make sure next time you get married you really know the person first, live with them for a while as thats when you really get to know someone as you have discovered here.
I wish you luck for the future. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): So your marriage is over, there is no point in trying, you both agree to finish this thing and walk away? If your sure that your doing the right thing, then approach him and ask about the possiblity of divorce. I'm sorry things have gone this way. Finish your marriage as quickly and painlessly as possible. You both will be hurting and feeling bad that you have failed. Take good care of you and go easy on your husband. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice I've received so far but to point out some things I neglected to mention. In the question, i wasn't a virgin when we got married but he is the only guy I've been with. We lost it to each other when I was 16 and he was 20. It used to be incredible and wild and left me weak but I'm just ready for it to be over now. We used to do all sorts of things together but we mainly agree to disagree on things that we just don't have in common.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Damn, that's why we aunts and uncles hate young marriages where the couples are so sure their in love and know best. Sorry babes, lecture now over....
First of all, make sure you use contraception when you have sex with your husband. You don't want to get pregnant and have a baby at your young age, especially whilst things are so unsettled.
Now about the sex thing, I gonna make the assumption that you were a virgin when you married. It's early days yet, it's not fair of you to bail out when you haven't really tried. Your realising the large responsibility that marriage is and you've found out it's not a bed of roses. You need to educate yourself about sex. Get some good books, find out what you can do to make your sex life with your husband more exciting. Try masterbating and get to know your body, show him what you like and what he needs to do to turn you on. It's not fair for his wife to run out on him so early on into the marriage. You care for him, could you delay any decision for at least a year. Try to get your marriage to work. Try to work on finding and giving pleasure whilst your making love. I'm not sure that a quick divorce will make your situation any better. Try to give 100% to your marriage. Be romantic, start kissing and cuddling and doing all the things you should have done if you dated properly and had a long engagement than a rushed marriage thing. You owe it to yourself and your husband to give this thing a try. Write back into dear cupid and explain what he's doing wrong and how you can help him to become a better lover and satisfy you.
Spend time together, find interests you can share together and entertainments that please the both of you. Go places and do things together and get to know him better. If you feel the same after a year then get your divorce, but you will feel less guilty if you at least try to get to know him and work this thing out. Your different people, you've had different experiences, share these experiences, learn to talk to one another and find out where you click. You've known him for 3years, you must have liked him once. Try to remember what made you hot to get married, try to meet him half way. Talk to him and tell him just exactly how your feeling and find out if he can do anything to improve the situation. Take care of you babes, good luck.
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A
female
reader, !Candice16! +, writes (5 July 2008):
 ok , first things first what you need to do is to sit him down and have a searious converstaion about the distance between you two. the one thing tht's important in a realtionship is to have communication. honestly if there is no real feelings you guys need to discuss what the feeling is between you two. mabey you guys rushed into this . so try talking to him and figure out wat is going on with the both of you. hope i helped you.
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