A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am plenty old enough to know that this is no good for me...but I can't stop feeling the way I do. I met him a year and a half ago and I still feel this way. He wasnt married at the time that I met him but I fell in love with his sweet, tender personality, smooth English accent, love of art, music and nature and charming boyish looks. He is older than me by eight years. He has one teenage son. I am married three years now, and we have a two year old boy. I also have two boys from a previous. It broke my heart when I returned to school and saw a ring on his finger, but who was I kidding...I had one on all last year! I am just so confused...I love my husband...he is good to me, he is a good father and a good provider. I am going to school to be a veterinarian/art major. I waited a long time to meet someone like my husband and I went through a lot of bad and abusive relationships before I got it right...so what the hell am I thinking now? I have tried to convince myself over and over that this isn't going to go anywhere and that it just spells unhappiness and turmoil for everyone involved...so how come I can't put him out of my mind? Why do I dream of him almost every night? I keep trying to rationalize everything...maybe he just married to stay in the U.S. (he's English) and I don't know if he has citizenship or not. Maybe he just felt like I did when I got married...that I was getting too old and didn't want to be alone...I know, I said I love my husband and I do, but the lonely thing was a contributing factor as well. This whole mess is so conplex...or maybe he needed help paying his rent/morgage...hell, who can make it on their own these days anyway? Or maybe, just maybe, he met the love of his life and has happily secured the remainder of his life with her...if so, I wish him well...honestly, I do...but why can't I get him out of my head???? signed...Unethical, frustrated, confused and in bad need of a brainwash...
View related questions:
fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): You are much to educated and wise to do the stupid thing here. You're married, he's married. Whatever feelings exist, or you perceive to exist, are irrelevant.
You claim to love your husband. Prove it. Lock all these feelings away in some dark, obscure corner of your mind never to be looked upon again and focus all your love and attention to your husband and your family where it belongs.
Every time thoughts of this Professor occur, forcibly replace them with thoughts of your husband. Eventually you'll condition yourself to do this without trying and the feelings will fade.
Talk to your husband about your feelings for this man, he has a right to know if his relationship is in jeopardy and he also has a right to decide whether HE wants to fight for it, or let you go... just as you have a right to decide the same.
Hiding it will only burn you and burn you until the guilt becomes too much to handle and you spill your guts anyway and he will be far more hurt at this than if you just cared enough for him to not strip him of his right to choose.
You aren't a criminal, but letting your emotional affair here continue will likely lead to you being equal to one.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Hunni, no you are not in love you are in lust!! All you see is whatever persona this professor shows to the public and you are comparing this 'perfect' person to your husband who you know inside and out.
Do you think your husband hasnt noticed that you are a bit distant towards him, that things just dont feel 'right' at home or in bed? Do you really want to hurt your husband like this just because you have an itch you want the professor to scratch??
Limit your contact with this professor and start putting all your energy into your marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I think you are both 'testing' your existing relationships - perhaps filling some of the gaps that exist? Its time to cool off. Take some time away - right away whatever that takes. A 2 week holiday alone? Think deeply about what matters to you. Ask yourself why you got involved with this guy. Its not a crime but a symptom of something else. Being honest with yourself is hard but to spend the time doing that will help you in the long run.
...............................
|
