A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have a male friend who is married and we have been friends for over 4years. I am married also, happily,and that is why i am very confused as to why i'm having such feelings for this man. We have never done or said anything inappropriate or mentioned that there is an obvious connection between us. Basically, i am too afraid to say anything. On the other hand, i could be completely wrong and he may not see me as anything more than a friend. But deep down, i really believe he must feel something. He will text me if we can't have a chat, which we try to do once a week. How can i get rid of these feelings? Feeling very guilty about this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Avoiding a married male and telling everything to your husband is quite and very intelligent move for the married female to caught up on a forbidden situation. .
Helps a lot for the very married woman to overcome all the
teased and all sins that she might committed. . And I have a message for a married male to please have your broad mind and give an extra care for your wife so that your can be able to and manage to overcome all these kind of dillema.
A
male
reader, cnpassant  +, writes (19 September 2011):
I am in a similar situation, which i wrote about here on Dear Cupid 2 months ago here:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-want-to-leave-my-wife-.htmlI still haven't resolved it, and it is still tearing me up. I think it is normal and inevitable to have feelings for someone outside of marriage, even without looking for it to happen. How to deal with these feelings is quite a challenge! Probably the best advice I have had is to limit contact with the other person and concentrate my energy on my wife, which i have been doing, but the temptation to keep seeing and contacting the other is huge! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): I have read all the answers and I think it's not possible to cut contact with this person just like that. I am in the same situation as you are and I know how it feels. I stopped communicating with a friend that I really like for 5 months and met him at the restaurant yesterday. All these feelings came back and I have been really sad all day today. He is almost like an addiction. I am trying to convince myself that I love my husband and etc. It's not working, sometime it's just chemistry and you cannot overcome me.
I think it's work in progress, you have to allow the time to pass by and see where things are. The right solution will come, I am sure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Acknowledge the feelings, trying to get rid of them might not work. Know that you are human with feelings, but also are committed to your husband. If you can't have the conversation infront of your husband, then don't have it. Find out what is missing from your marriage and what you find so attractive about this man...Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): It's completely normal to feel guilty and it is actually good that you do! It's also normal to be attracted to someone else besides your spouse. So, don't beat yourself up too badly. I have been in your situation also but realized that the only reason I had feelings for the married man b/c I was feeling down with myself. Yes, it is exciting--like "puppy love' but I learned to distance myself from him because the flirting on his end was crossing the line. I felt really guilty and did tell my spouse about it and we are working on our marriage--constantly. It's always a work in progress! Hang in there. Just don't cross the line and make sure you communicate with your spouse.
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A
female
reader, Miss kelsey  +, writes (30 August 2011):
Hello there,The feeling you are feeling are normal, I have personal experience of this, its fobidden love! You need to talk to your partner about your feelings. Its clear that you are not happy in some aspects of your relationship. Maybe try to spice up your existing relationship and see if your feelings changed. Some of the reason you are looking at this friend in a romanic way now because it is new and exciting when really you need to look at your relationship with your partner because maybe you are in a motion of everyday life. Things can become stale if your days are always the same and you have got into a regular routine, try going away for a weekend together and explore eachothers mind body and soul again, you will find out soon enough what your heart really feels and your mind will follow. Try not to be too secretive because this can become too 'fun' and almost 'sexy' because its done with a secretive nature.take care xX
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 August 2011):
 firstly sit down and have a good think about what you would do and how you would feel if your husband had a female friend who he wanted to get into. this is called empathy and when you have this ability it can make your choices in life a lot more easier cox it means you will only treat people how you want to be treated yourself (and if every one did that the world would be a MUCH better place!)
if you want to stay in your marriage you will have to drop your friendship with this man. having friends of the opposite sex outside of your marriage is not wrong per se, BUT it is if you have feelings and attraction for the person coz one of two things is gonna happen...
either - the guy will not reciprocate and you will be left longing for him and feeling unhappy
or - he will reciprocate and an affair will start and that will either end (leaving you and/or him hurt) or you will get caught which will hurt your spouses and children.
the only fair thing you can do is if you really want to be with him, break up with your hubby - but you say you are happily married, so that would be a real shame to do.
maybe you are just bored in your marriage, can you and hubby work on this? but while fancy-man is in the frame this will not work. you need to end your contact with him or at least keep it to MINIMUM, which means no more ringing and texting, just do polite chat if you happen to meet him on the street for instance. he is a temptation and the more contact you have with him the harder it will be for you to move on
x
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