A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was married to a man whom I felt I no longer loved, so I divorced him and a couple years later, I met whom I felt was my dream lover. He swept me off my feet for 3 years we dated then finally I agreed to marry him, well almost immediately he changed and I am still in love with the sweeper. I resigned from my career job, moved out of my home and relocated with him. He owns his own business and I run it well. He doesnt appreciate it at all. I am starting to dislike him in every way, but the sex is still great. I think he is bipolar because he just doesnt make sense to me. We absolutely no longer see eye to eye. I no longer have a job or home of my own or a car. I have truly screwed this one up big time. I have 3 kids from previous husband. I dont want to remove them from this home and live with relatives. What have I done?
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (26 May 2009):
 I am so sorry. Firstly, you haven't done anything wrong - in fact, you have been loving, and have trusted, and have entrusted yourself and your children to the care of a guy you truly believed deserved your love and trust. That he turns out to be nothing like the guy you thought he was is bad luck, because believe me, there really are guys out there who can behave in one way when it suits them, and then turn into monsters when it doesn't suit. I should know. I have a child with one.
I can see things going to same way - he wants to control everything. He can't bear any independence, although at the same time he hates dependence. He criticises pretty much absolutely everything I do and am. He tries to change it.
I think you are going to need to get out of this, and you need the help of family and friends. Rebuild your life - it will be so much better without him. I hope you manage it. I am telling myself this as well.
xxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): You gave up your career, your independence, your identity, your financial freedome ALL for love. Did you ever hear the saying that love is not enough? No man is worth all you've given up and should never require you to do so. You run his company for him? WOW. I don't know what you were thinking except maybe you watch too many romantic movies!
Get your life back with or without him. You've done it before. We all make mistakes but when we act helpless is when we become victims and you don't want your kids seeing that. You are obviously competent so set some new goals for yourself and if he doesn't agree, too bad for him. Another divorce isn't the greatest but neither is being a Stepford wife.
I've had to rebuild and get myself out of a ton of crap and the last thing you do is sit around and ponder why you are at where you are at, now is the time to take action. Later, when you've got your life back, you can afford to ruminate about why you got yourself into that mess so you don't make another mistake but think about that tomorrow.
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A
female
reader, You Heard Me +, writes (26 May 2009):
You have done nothing... it seems you were misled by this man in which case just pray about it and God will have an answer. I am willing to bet this drastic change in him occurred after you resigned from your job and left your home, right? Men, they are sometimes in love with the power. Keep your head up.
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