A
female
age
30-35,
*eautifulParadise
writes:My husband and I just got married about a month ago, unfortunately we can't live together because neither of us have a job at the moment. Although we are looking. We see each once or twice a month. We text everyday and FaceTime, but now all of sudden he says he wants to text less and FaceTime sometimes. He says we can Skype, while he is gaming though. The problem here is that if we are supposably married with a kid on the way, you'd think we would at least try to see each other more often and if we couldn't then at least FaceTime every night.He says that we need to have our time to ourselves, but we don't even live together, it's like what more time to yourself do you want. I've noticed that he talks to his friend (guy) all the time and he is able to talk to him for long periods of time but when we talk it's like he is bothered. He also talks about our issues to this friend too, which I don't think is right because this person isn't a neutral type person. For all I know he could be taking his side all the time. I love him and I'm sure he loves me, but I don't understand what's happening. Should I just be accepting to what he wants or should I not?Thanks!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2017):
 Why did you both get married can I ask? If you have no money between you and a baby on the way then surely the wedding could have been postponed until you where both in a better financial place?
It sounds like he has no interest in this marriage, and it sounds like you are being clingy because you are both living apart. Surely most newly wed couples would be aiming to see each other more than once or twice a month?
Have you both a future plan? Where you are both going to live with this baby? Was the baby a surprise?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2017): Did you get married because you were pregnant?
You've just described a trapped-man, and a marriage that happened far too soon.
Gaming and messing around on devices, when you should be job-searching is a bit juvenile. He has a kid on the way, and securing employment is top-priority. For both of you!
Both of you are too young, and neither of you were ready for all this responsibility. It's mind-boggling why you didn't postpone marriage; until your situation was under control.
Is it too soon for these problems? Maybe too soon for marriage or a baby. It is what it is.
But now you're in it. You'll have to work it out. Babies need food, shelter, safety, healthcare, and a stable home environment.
You both took the plunge, now get it together; and get your family what you need.
I recommend you seek social services or charity until that happens; but with our new administration, God only knows!
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Your problems stem from not being together and having no interaction. Honeypie is right: haven't you thought through the jobs and finances before deciding to marry? Finances are leading cause of divorce.
You two need to urgently find a way to be together and get a job in one city and go to work from one home. He needs to get off his ass and stop gaming, and live up to being a husband by seeking a job and a shelter for his woman. You should stop whining about FaceTime and look for jobs and a home in which you should live together. Any conversation you two should have must be about jobs and a home for both.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2017):
 I think the "novelty" of chatting daily over Facetime has worn off for your husband. You two are now married so he feels the pressure to constantly be in contact should be lowered.
And I think he is feeling smothered by you. It seems a bit clingy to HAVE to Facetime EVERY night.
That is my guess.
Personally, I think the BOTH of you need to focus more on moving FORWARD - as in both finding work and being able to support this new little family and the baby on the way - it should be WAY more important than "chatting".
You two need to find a compromise that works for both of you.
I would NOT be OK with "skyping" him as he is gaming. That's is a ridiculous solution. Because if he is gaming he is NOT paying full attention to the conversation.
So maybe instead set up a couple of nights a week that works for BOTH of you to have an hour or so Facetime chats.
Not to be rude, but it seems to me that you two rushed into this without really having a clue of how to make it work. How to BE a couple and how to soon raise a little one.
What IS the plan? To each live with your folks and let them pay the bills? You obviously have a phone, tablet, computer, so you can Facetime - but you have no job?
And he OBVIOUSLY has a computer, X-box or whatnot and plays online games - but no job? So who is paying for all that? His parents?
Maybe the both of you need to get off your devices, get jobs and work on finding a way to LIVE together like a couple expecting a baby. I know... easier said than done, but whatever you two are doing now is not working.
There is a baby on the way, time to GROW up.
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