A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my my husband for a little over a year and he's only given me oral pleasure 3 times. He wont talk about it with me or anything. I give him oral pleasure all the time and as soon as i bring him giving me oral pleasure he ignores me. There has been a couple of times when he's been drunk and he's said he was gonna do it but he never did. Is something wrong with me? This makes me feel really bad about myself. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 For some men, going down on a woman is something they learn makes them "weaker" men in their culture. Let's assume that you are clean, freshly showered and such. Some things to try are, choosing his favorite liquor or sweet desert, and having him lick that off you.
One man I know was sexually abused as a child by a woman. He is unable to deal with a vagina in his face of a particular hair color. Have you tried shaving your area? Has that helped at all?
Another man I know had an issue with bodily fluids, and simply could not digest the idea of putting his tongue down there. He had a gag reflex.
Some cultures teach that women are not trustworthy, and that going down on her is likely to mean his tongue is touching where another man's penis has been (possibly recently)...for homophobic cultures, this could be an emotional death sentence. The idea of being willing to lick and suck on something that has been in contact with penis is too much for some men to take.
If he had bad experiences in the past with other women (and that happens A LOT), it may have soured him on the whole idea.
The last thing I could suggest is to try flavoured condoms as dental dams.
My guess is that he does love you, but he is UNable to perform this for his own reasons, and has nothing to do with you.
-FBK
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): Gee! I don't know about your husband with his hang-up with oral sex. To me it is the nices way to say to a woman, "I love You" Also as most men/women know that us men can't always get it up or keep it up either. One's Joytoy just isn't that dependable when it comes to pleasing a woman's sexy body However, All men have eleven penis's, eight fingers, two thumbs and best of all a wonderful, nice, warm, wet tongue to please their woman. None of them will let him down, But I want to get up close and personal, and the tongue is the only way to fly. Lots of times, even if I'm not in the mood to have vaginal sex, the oral sex is just to please her, then she or I can take care of my needs by hand. It kind of looks like your Hubby wants you to go down on him, but he is leaving you out in the cold, when it comes to you sexual needs. You two don't seem too have much going in bed, when it comes to open communications,dare say the same applys to other areas of your lives too. So TALK SEX! SEX! SEX! Read some good Sex books, None of us are born Sexperts, we all have to learn to be good lover. As I see it your relationship can be saved but not if the both of you remain in SEXUAL IGNORANCE. No Sweetheart there isn't anything wrong with you. You are a woman in love,who's husband missed the whole point when the preacher said "You two are one". And the only oneness I see in your relationship is his self-centered sexual needs, not your's. How sad.
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A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 some men, dont like the taste of, the vagina no matter how clean it is.. he may have had a bad experience with oral and an ex partner which has resulted in him being almost scared of it. when i first met my partner, he didnt like it and said it was disgusting because of a past relationship. sit down with ur husband and talk to him about it, ask him why he is avoiding it. if nothing happens, and if he doesnt tell you why (just avoiding an answer) then just back off giving him oral until he does, it may sound cruel but you shouldnt give what you want to recieve.. if you understand? i hope i helped, mail me if u wan 2 talk x x x
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You need to go to your husband and tell him that your needs aren't being met. Don't do anything for him until he's willing to do the same for you.
DV1
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