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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my husband since i was 16. we have been married for almost 3 years now our baby boy is about to turn 3. He told me the only reason he asked me to marry him was b/c "it was the right thing to do". I know he is not happy. He tells me everyday how bad of a wife i am and im a slacker mother and what kind of girls he could get. He threatens me saying hes going to get back in shape and go out and get a "night life" He doesnt work he would if he could but he cant and i cant say why he takes care of our boy all day. Even though he doesnt have a job he doenst do anything all day. I still come home clean up after him and cook for him and do laundry and feed the animals EVERYTHING. sometimes he will surprise me with clean dishes or somthing but not very often.He calls me a piece of S* and % constantly it has to be his favorite word for me. Junior hears these things b/c He doenst care to talk low or in another room. the other day Junior told me "your such a B* and ^%" a 3 year old saying these things to his mother?!? it is b.c his father says them to me constantly. I know im not perfect and i can be a B sometimes like all women can but he says im stupid useless anything that will hurt me. I dont understand why he wants to hurt me in that way. He doubts me on everything i spent $2.60 the other day and he said i went out with someone else for lunch.... i call/text him on every one of my break morning lunch and afternoon break. most of the time he gets upset about somthing and hangs up. I want out but i dont have the heart to leave him. He says i deserve to be beat and hit all the time and im lucky he doenst do those things. Anymore, he used to hit me and push me down and kick me. He never hurt me more than brusied but he said he did it "to scare me".Why should anyone have to be scared in that way? what is the purpose of that? I know i should leave but i cant and i dont know why. I need help. I was not a virgin when we got together, he has always held that against me still to this day. I one time talked to my ex boyfreind about 5 years ago and he freeked out over that and brings that up all the time. He calls me a liar a cheater a piece of S%$^ and a loser almost everyday. I belive these things now, I feel i dont deserve what i have and i am lucky he wants me still. I cant get out, i want to but i dont know how. any time i start to say im done and he should leave he starts talking suicidal and saying hes going to kill himself and carrys a big knife around and talking crazy! that is when i have to start to baby him and say how much i love and need him and he needs help but he wont get it. Sex is mandantory, if i dont give it to him i get woken up in the middle of the night being called a peice of S and %$! or pushed around almost kncoked off the bed. I give it to him now so i can feel normal. It is not even fun or exciting anymore. I am 22 years old! why am i living like this. Please anyone help me i need advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): Thank you all for your support! I know what is right, i just cant find the guts to stand up and leave. I hope that will come someday soon. We talked this weekend after a big blow up and things are ok right now. He knows that if something blows things up again like the past couple years it will be over. I hope he can find it in his heart to stop hurting me by calling me names and things, that is my biggest issue. We'll see.....
Thanks to everyone!
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 You need to be away from that...For your sake and your child. My worry is him doing something to you.
If he wants to kill himself, you don't need to be there to see it. Go stay with family if you can. Just get away, and hopefully, he will get help, and then you can see if things can workout after.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): He is completely and utterly abusing you... and you don't have the HEART to leave him? He has got your sense of self worth so low now (which is his plan) that you feel sorry for someone like him? If you look up emotional / psychological abuse on the internet search you will find websites with information about his behaviour and your response which will show you this is not a road to anywhere. You need to read this information and make a plan to leave - get a bank account, get another place set up, get some family or friends supporting you. Tell people you trust this is going on. Now imagine what your life would feel like to not face this each day. Just you and your son, free to be yourselves. He is poisoning your son and is a terrible role model. REalise the downward spiral of this now. The more you take the lower and more desperate you get until you will feel emotionally trapped. He has no respect for you but I really hope you can find some for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Oh dear :(
He sounds like a treat!
Honey, it seems to me that he's taking out his fustration on you. Maybe being married so young he feels trapped and that he can't go out and enjoy himself. This is no excuse for how he's treating you.
Was he like this before you got married???
He sounds controlling, jealous, lazy and abusive. It cannot be good for a child to be raised in that environment. At 3 he's already being abusive verbally towards you, so if you stay what will he be like at 10 or at 16, when he's strong enough to over-power you physically? I advise you to talk to your parents or a best friend about this, confide in someone who you can phone whenever you need to, someone who can provide some form of release for you; to talk to when it gets too much. You need someone physically there to keep you strong, even if it's just giving you a hug and a talk when you need it.
Think about your boy. Talk to somebody, get some help. It sounds like your husband is mentally abusing you and needs some help himself. I think both need some help.
If you're not happy, don't stay. You need to put you and your child first, it's hurting both of you to stay there. But definitely get your husband some help.
I hope it gets better for you, I really do.
xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Well hun,
No one can help you except yourself. We can offer advise, a friend can offer shelter and a safe house can offer safety; but in the end you walking out of there and never turning back is all up to you.
By writing today, you're indicating that you know these behaviors towards you are extremely abusive. You know it doesn't make you feel good and you can see the effect it has on your little boy.
You've been so beaten down and hurt that you do not even realize what a beautiful and fragile person you are. A man should be treating you like an egg - with gentle care as not to damage you. Unfortunately, you have a man who has been doing the very opposite for so very long, that you believe you deserve this treatment, that this is the best you can get.
You are lucky to just have one child with him. A child who soon enough will be in school. Its time for you to leave hun. Slowly get an education and work. Get counseling and get your child counseling too. Believe in yourself. Know that you deserve and will get much better.
Its really all upto you. You just need to now surround yourself with loving and good people, make a plan, walk away and divorce him, educate yourself and seek counseling to never repeat the this cycle of abuse.
big hug! be strong!
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A
female
reader, almc +, writes (6 August 2010):
You need to go to someone you trust, family friend. Someone. And tell them. And to tell the truth the best thing to do is save money, some how, get some to lend you money and leave. Go far away. Because the way he seems to act, he will come find you, so take your son and run,and him talking *bout killing him self, just saying it for you to make him feel sorry for him. I know its hard, but you need to leave. I really hope you get out of this and leave the man. Go and take care of your little boy the only thing that should matter. Start all over again. Best of luck. Let me know what happens. Ash
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Leave this man now! If he beats you and calls you names, whos to say that one day he wont do the same to your son? You and your son deserve so much better. There are other women who are in these kinds of relationships and you need to leave him now before you start to believe all the things he tells you and get stuck in an abusive relationship. You are only 22yrs. old! You should be w/ a man who loves you and respects you!A man who beats and calls his wife names in front of his child is no man.You can call the police next time he beats you and press charges.I really hope that you leave this man because men like this never change no matter what they say. I wish you and your son the very best.:]
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