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female
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*hazmart
writes: Ive been with my husband for 12 years, married for 7. Things were fine until my father committed suicide 5 years ago, and cracks began to show in our marriage. We separated twice, and have recently got back together to give it one last try. Finally my husband is being the perfect husband- supportive, listening to me and working on improving our home, but call it bad timing, I have met someone else who makes me really happy and feel so bad that I no longer want to continue this marriage. Should I stay and try yet again, or break his heart and leave for good?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Bev submitted a very good reply - I agree with her comments.
If you are going to leave your husband, you need to be alone until you have adjusted to standing on your own two feet. You will need to shed the baggage of your unhappy relationship first before starting another one. How would you feel if, in a new relationship, your guy talked incessantly about his failed relationship? How would you feel about sharing this guy with his past?
Right now, this other guy, no matter how wonderful you think he is, would simply be a crutch during your adjustment period. By all means, carry on a friendship with him such that he can provide you some moral support. But be fair to him (and to yourself) and set boundaries. No romantic relationship until you have resolved all of the feelings that come with leaving someone and leaving a failed relationship.
This advice assumes, of course, that you have already decided to leave your husband and foresake the commitment you made. Good luck, and take care.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 June 2006):
 Be careful about bailing from your fractured relationship, just because it looks better now. When you're frustrated or bored, any attention from anyone else looks like a lifeline!
In reality, the other guy still has flaws, and ultimately, a relationship with him will only be a rebound from your marriage. You need to decide whether or not you want to leave your husband, *regardless* of whether the other relationship looks appealing to you and whether it'd work out.
So, if there was no one else, would you still want to finish with your husband? That's where this answer starts.
If you decide that you would, then take the appropriate steps, but DON'T go straight from your husband to the next man. You need time to get over a failed relationship, and to learn why it failed before you can start a new one.
In brief: think hard, then move slowly.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (25 June 2006):
Do you have any children? My subsequent comments will depend on the answer to this question.
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A
female
reader, wilma79 +, writes (24 June 2006):
Ok dear the grass always looks greener on the other side but when you get there its patched and dry i guess what i'm trying to say is its never a good idea to leave you spouse because you think you have met someone else.Im not saying even if you don't love your husband anymore you should stay in you can talk to him and try and perhaps make him understand that you don't feel the same anymore.For this other "new guy" he will never really trust you if you are prepared to leave your husband for him.Its tough really the reality of life is that it never has any guarantees so maybe if you take this risk you it might work out for u.Good luck in all you do to come to a decision hope this helps....
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