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anonymous
writes: I am 28 years old, married for 5 years (dating and married 10 years all together) and we have two children. My problem is that I am soulfully in love with another man and have been for 13 years.(This man also shares my feelings) We were never able to really explore our relationship because of so many reasons-none because of our own control. I've stayed with my husband through the years anyway even after his 3 affairs (2 while I was pregnant both times) Mostly because of fear of raising children by myself, very low self-esteem and because I love his family so much I would feel guilty moving away with my kids to be with the man I really want to be with. Within the past two years though-my fear has faded and I have rebuilt my self-esteem. So now I'm basically staying in a marriage for my husband's and family's sake. I'm so confused. My husband is finally a good husband and okay father (it only took him 8 years) but I have this overwhelming anger for staying with him when I really wanted to be with someone else. I've even had to resort to depression medication. What do I do? You only get one chance in life. But is it too late for me now that I have my own children? Would it be too incredibly selfish to follow my heart now? If I stay, I know I will be safe and my kids will have a stable family life (something I never had) but I will have to forever deal with never knowing what could have been. But if I leave, I will be uprooting my children from their familiar surroundings and breaking my husband's and his family's hearts. Not to mention, a huge battle over the kids. I'm scared and confused but very depressed and "love sick". What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2005): I can't believe that there is someone out there with the same problem as me! The only advice I would give to you is that your children would never forgive themselves if they thought that you had stayed in a relationship just for there sake when all are kids ever really want from us is that we are happy. No-one likes hurting people especially people we love but you only live once and if you and the other person have held feelings for each other for this long then I think you should take a chance as you never know there maybe someone out there who could make your husband very happy and be totally in love with him.
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