A
male
age
51-59,
*picolee2002
writes:Help----- Hi I've been a relationship for over three years. When we met you could tell we were a couple but now you'd never know. I met my wife and are sex life was great above average. She was so unselfish. We were living on my acrage and new house near a lake. It was great but it was a three hour trip for her to work n back. I felt bad and we rented the house and moved into her trailer in a park near the city. Every since we moved here are love been going down the drain. If you seen us in public you would never know we were married. I don't believe in being all over each other but it's nice to get a kiss here n there. We had sex 4 times a week to now I have not had sex in three months. When we met I could last and last till she was satisfied but when you don't get it and only for a few mins because you have not been laid for months it only last for three mins. She only wants me on top. That's it. I like her on top and I live for play. We just get on top and get it over with. My self esteem is going down the tubes. I think she does not think I'm sexy and smart and wanted. I don't understand why she don't get it. I'm a man and have needs. I do well in life but have a injury from work were I couldnot return So I have a limp and I asked her if that bothered her and she said no. I just got out of a relationship of ten years and my x made me feel special not handycap. Its hard to live with the stares and it takes a real woman to shake it off and the way I've been treated lately I feel like she's imbarresed of me or something. When we lived in the country we never acted like this. Now I keep dreaming of my X not in a dirty way but a safety net. I left her she never left me. My x treated me great. I don't know why I'm dreaming these dreams and it's freaking me out. I love my wife but all I get is a kiss in the morning goodbye and a Iove you once and awhile. I just can't read her at all. Why did it go from the best sex and love then we moved and nothing. She goes to bed when I don't and when she wakes up she's gone we're we use to watch tv together for hours. I can't cuddle with her. I touch her and she moves or I have to ask for a kiss so asking for sex is hard. Please help me if you canSpicolee2002
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limp, moved in, self esteem, sex life, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): it does sound like your wife is no longer attracted to you. I don't know why. You think it might be some of your physical attributes. But maybe she resents you for other things like the way you behave to her or things you have said. Maybe you have hurt her.
You can and should express your feelings to her but realize that no one can just "make" themselves be attracted to someone they aren't. So talking to her wouldn't be to point fingers at her and demand that she get her attraction back because human nature doesn't work that way. Instead you should talk to her about your feelings so you can both decide what to do about this marriage, whether to continue the marriage or not.
If you want to continue the marriage then you have a lot of highly uncomfortable work to do - find out what is causing her to feel so negatively towards you. Be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear. You may have to see a marriage counselor. Finally if it's not possible for her to feel attracted to you again then it might be best to divorce and move on, unless you want to stay in a marriage just as a safety net but where there is no intimacy or only forced intimacy.
A
female
reader, Aphrodite.duh  +, writes (8 September 2012):
Firstly, I just want to tell you, none of this was your fault. From the loss of love, to the nostalgia for your ex. I get the feeling you're not big on communication, but that is half your problem gone. Sit your wife down, and tell her, everything you just said in the post. Of course, I wouldnt recommend specifying your EX but just tell her that your been looking around for affection from other places because of this. If you can get her to agree, take her back to the country for a holiday. Being there might help bring back what the place did for you as a couple. I think that is your real home together. If she for some reason refuses to see your point, or even that she can't come to the country, you go alone. Clearing your head can't be too bad for you either. Also, it may bring back good memories for you to share or give ideas on how to rekindle the fire. Lastly, and I don't think this section is even neccesary, some people just don't realise the worth of something until its snatched away from them. I hate to mention it but there is a slim possibility that your wife may be the same. And these kind of people aren't worth it, because they never appreciate anything or anyone once they get it back. I highly doubt this, but if this is true then I feel that you need time alone. Both of you. I don't doubt that your marriage is important to you, so one word of advice I will say is that don't approach your ex at this time. This matter is of the heart and emotions can lead to actions you might repent. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): I am very sorry that you do not feel enough love from your wife. You seem very loving and very caring. Talk to her, maybe you should prepare dinner with candle lights and ask her? Tell her how you feel, tell her how you miss her and how you miss being intimate with her, let her know why you are worried? I am sure there is nothing serious and if there is anything going on, definitely not the fact that you were injured in the past. You've been together for a while, she loves you otherwise why would she have married you !! Good luck and a lots of blessings to you !!
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