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female
age
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*lowers2
writes: me and husband been together 21 years did have sex then 6 years ago husband started sleeping in single bed said it was his nerves all things in his head always going to doctors doctor took him off list sick of him did have sex now and again then he was having problems not been able to get hard on we have now gone 4 months i fell so lonley and unloved i do love him but he shows no love what do i do he is nasty at times i am so nice i dont like to argue at all love my children 5 years and fifteen but cannot take much more
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female
reader, flowers2 +, writes (18 January 2007):
flowers2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question have chatted with my husband i never argue dont like to i have gone on five months trying to be nice with him he does not show any affection does not sit next to me no cuddles no contact at all yes we do talk and sometimes he is nasty with us he works mornings then aftrenoon comes its tv all raceing horses wish i was a horse at times he would show more interested then he spends lots of time at his sisters she is a really nice person but i dont think he is telling her the reason why this is all going on its got really bad we are not talking now i have no one else to talk to i dont want anyone else to know i do love my husband but its the no love show to me and i dont go on about sex i keep waiting for him to ask me then i say okay but its not full sex its useing hands thats fine by me its some contact but this has now stopped its like living with a brother thats how i feel plese help i am getting so depressed about this trying to keep the family togerther an i also feel i have needs
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): Perhaps you need to take the focus off sex with your husband. Why don't you try building the intimacy in other aspects, such as cuddling, going for walks, movies and dinner (a date)...just have fun and connecting in the emotional sense. This is a great start. He's likely feeling the pressures of knowing you want sex and he's frustrated because he has ED. Go to the doctor with him and see if there are other medications on the market that can help him.
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female
reader, flowers2 +, writes (14 January 2007):
flowers2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help all my husband did tell me years ago about his problem erectile dysfunction he went to the doctors they said to go to see doctors about this problem he would not go to embarrassing the family doctor said viagra we had to buy them 50 for 4 tablets i got them yes it worked but husband had a bad reaction to some other tablet and will not take any other tablets so viagra was of the list have tryed other ways of pleasing each other but all has stopped yes i have asked him if i can become intamite but he just says he has no interest i have said i have needs but he says nothing after that still dont know what to do i have even tryed to encourage him when two sons are at school some quiet time to our selfs still says has no interest in sex i am still not noing what to do
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): Your marriage is in trouble..the intimacy is going fast. I am not talking just about the sex. I am talking about abut bonding and affection, too. You are wise to be concerned as you are spotting the warning signs. A number of things are happeneing. You pick which one it is, because you live with him and you know him the best. It sounds like he's given up and/or gotten lazy, complacent, and/or he's depressed and/or he suffers from erectile dysfunction and can't talk to you about it. All of the things I have mentioned are all inter-connected, in some way. You are intimacy starved and sexually dissatisfied. He has gotten indifferent, unconcerned or uncaring. In this case, sex isn't the only casualty; the affection, the bonding, the love, intimacy on every level becomes non-existent. Spouses stop touching affectionately, having meaningful talks, laughing at each other's jokes, or connecting emotionally. They grow apart and both become indifferent, over a long period of time. And sadly, infidelity and divorce become all too real threats.
Your husband may have some real physical problems with erectile dysfunction thus causing some emotional troubles and doesn't know how to deal with it. Sometimes men turn away from their loved one, instead of facing it with her. Men are always thought to have only three things on their minds- sex, sex and more sex. lol But, seriously, for a healthy, red-blooded male to be disinterested in sex is to feel less than a man, to most of them. Just thinking about lack of interest in sex and erectile dysfunction- let alone talking about it, strikes terror in men because it threatens the very foundation upon which their feelings of self-worth are based. No wonder they clam up-to them this is horribly embarrassing. But you need to know, there are many men out there who just can't get turned on. Why don't you and he talk about this, first. Let him know you are concerned and you care. Suggest he go to a family doctor have a good physical examination. Go with him to support him. Ask your family doctor to refer a good couples/ marriage counselor. You guys have a family..do all you can to save this union. Your husband is floundering, badly..you owe to this marriage and your kids, to become the stronger partner and help him deal with this issue. That is what we do for our beloveds.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): Here's something interesting if he cant get "hard" he might be feeling guilty because he lost his manly-ness ... so maby you should go easy on him and have a discussion which probaly wont work because he's too upset if its right... so u have to plan a way to calm him
hh123
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A
male
reader, Big boy +, writes (13 January 2007):
 Tell him how you feel, that’s all you can do, 21years is a long time and fighting things together is what you two should do no matter what the problem is, try and come to a level of understanding. Try and approach the situation in a much calm mood in order to avoid any argument, he’s your man and he would talk to. Your relationship is more than sex, but at the same time 4 months is a long time. (just have a really good chart with him)
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