A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I dont know how to deal with what I feel is a problem and my husband doesnt want to discuss it.Met my hubby when I was 20, he was my first boyfriend I fell in love almost instantly and have loved him ever since (thats 16 years so far), I know he loves me too and we do alot for eachother. Problem is that I have grown from a very young niave girl into a confident woman yet I feel so lost.I was a loner before I met him and for the last 2'ish years I have been longing for my own space again. He doesn't understand. Sex is becoming horrid too. I still love him, I think I still want to be with him...I think.I want some space, I want to develop a life for myself and come home with something to talk about! I want to hear how he has had fun with his friends too, some outside interests that we can bring back into the mix if that makes sense. All he does is then accuse me of wanting/having an affair. He does trust me in a way, i just dont think he understands that I need more. I just want to find out who I am.I feel like I am going crazy, and I am worried that I will end up finding someone else because I feel he doesnt understand me anymore. We dont have kids.I can't throw away 16 years without trying but Im running out of ideas on what to try next.He is 10 years older than me so experienced alot more when we first met, now he seems happy to just sit at home reading books so much so that I end up on the computer all the time. I feel we are falling apart very very slowly and perhaps neither of us really want to admit it. How can I love someone so much yet feel completely stifled.Ive tried talking to him, Ive tried suggesting hobbies and interests Ive tried to get him to go out with people, Ive tried to get him to let me go out with people, he says no to everything. I then feel I cant do things because I am upsetting him. He tells me I am trying to get rid of him! I wonder if he is scared of being on his own. I worry that we are going to end up stuck in a friendship, it seems to be going that way.Im so confused about all this, I hope the above makes some sense and Id be most grateful for any suggstions. Many thanks.
View related questions:
affair, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for taking the time to reply. I did get him to join in with a sport we both liked and he loved it, he made lots of new friends. I only wanted to do it for a year as something to try, but he stopped the minute I did. Unfortunately I cant do it any longer anyway and he keeps saying he'll go, his friends call and say come on. Yet he never does, not surprisingly they don't call much now.I'll keep working on it, there has to be a solution somewhere right?!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Hi,
I can understand how you feel. It seems difficult for some men to realise that life is not just sitting at home maybe wathcing TV. Human beings need to communicate. You sound if you have already found yourself, you appear to like social life and realise there is so much more in this world than just staying at home staring at each other. How to make your husband understand that you are not after an affair, just want to do a bit more. Can you not get him to join you in something where there are other people and maybe he will make a new friend and eventually find a hobby he can enjoy with his new freinds? Or has he already got friends whom you could encouraget to get him involved with something they are involved with? Or you could book an 'activity' type holiday (not necessaruly abroad) with a few friends or where he needs to make an effort with other people? Good luck.
...............................
|
