A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend started talking to me about how marriage isn't very beneficial for guys. If you love the other person, what difference does a marriage certificate makes? Not having it will just make things easy when things go bad. There will be no lawyer fees for the divorce, no splitting the house, car, etc. I tried to agrue back saying it's a state of commitment you're trying to show the rest of the world. He then say who will cares now a days if you're common law or married. I told him I think more about it as different stages in a relationship. You want to move on to the next step in a relationship, and that's why girls want to get married. He said that's what all women say. They're the one always insisting on getting married for whatever reason. It might be because all their friends are and it's shameful they are not, it might be because they want to change the other half. Alot of woman become more controlling of the guy after they get married. Why would a guy want to get marry...I know this is only a discussion and I try to be cool about it. I know we're not discussing about our relationship. But it bugs me that my boyfriend thinks about marriage like that. (He figured out I was bothered after the discussion). He was married when he was 18, divorced 3 years later because his ex-wife liked this other guy better. She was a very controlling person. His friend is going thru a divorce right now and he is only 26. I understand he has seen many examples of a failed marriage, but it still bugs me that he thinks like that. Why can't he be a typical guy wanting to get married when it's about time.I'm 25 and he's 27. We've been dating for 3 years. We don't live together because we're 2 hours drive away and have our own career. If he ask me to marry him, I really don't mind relocating. I don't know if he understand why I said that. He's a great guy, he really is.What's your point of view on marriage? Any advice with my relationship with my boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all that responded. I got some interesting perspectives from your answers.
So I will tell you a little more about my boyfriend. The reason he got married the first time, is because he had a kid with his ex (accident). They got married when the kid was 1 1/2 years old. I never asked if it's because of responsibility or love. I believe him that he loved his ex before, but it's also responsibility too. He has told me he never found her physically attractive. He's a very lay-back (but not lazy) person whereas he ex was very controlling of the things they do together, everything in their daily life, and when they should do what. It bugged him that she was trying to decide when he should go spend time with his friends.
My boyfriend is a Christian too. I think he used to believe you only marry once and your partner is lifetime. The divorce might changed that thought. However, he has told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He loves me to the point that he will use his life to save mine. It was kind of proposing to me without the ring.
He knows I'm nothing like his ex-wife. He knows I am not a controlling person. I will like to plan things out in advance, but that's with my business, and not his personal business. I sometimes think when a woman has a child, she might become more demanding. Maybe his ex was like that. I'm not sure if I will be like that after I give birth to our child. Maybe it's better not to have kids. : )
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (23 July 2008):
Some people don't need that piece of paper to show their commitment. But my extremist-atheist anti-marriage friend came to our wedding and said seeing us standing up in front of everyone we know and all our families and promising to each other to be together forever, he realised it does have value.
We also get lower car insurance, simpler mortgage applications, better credit ratings, statistically we will live longer, I'm now his next of kin so if anything happens to us we will actually be allowed in to see each other in hospitals and doctors will not refuse to speak to us. And if the government changes we will get better tax breaks.
Personally I love being a Mrs, and my husband really loves that I am his completely to the point I took his name.
If nothing else then tell your boyfriend that by refusing marriage he's missing out on a great party and a tonne of presents.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX  +, writes (23 July 2008):
 I think marriage is a wonderful thing for couples that want to take that huge step in solidifying your relationship, and anouncing your undying devotion to each other to the world.
Some people think they dont need" a peice of paper to show their devotion."
And others are scared of the commitment
It all in the persons point of view.
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