A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm 35 and have been in a relationship for a year with a 39 y/o man. I believed was my soul mate. Alex also felt the same way about me. We have known each other for 2 years prior to our relationship ever beginning. We had coffee one day and out of the blue he just said...''I'm crazy about you'' within the length of time we have been dating we have had the type of relationship you would only see in the movies. He told me everything and we worshipped each other. We fought just like any other couple too but when we do Alex tends to avoid me completely and what ends up happening is I eventually miss him so much that I text him and tell him I miss him and he would respond saying ''I miss you every second of every day'' and we would get back together until a few months later we would argue again and he once again would avoid me.This time we haven't spoken in 11 days and I miss him already but I feel I submit every time this happens and for once I would like to see him desperately want me back but either I don't give that enough time to happen or he's waiting for me to cave in again even if it takes a forever. Its his bday in 2 days and I wanted to try and break the ice with him so I did text him today but instead of I miss you I told him ... ''i wanna give you your bday gift... Just cause we're not talking doesn't mean I don't care'' I thought for sure he would see that text and realize that maybe she is trying to make an effort to see me? That was my intention but instead a day later and nothing not a word. I'm upset and I don't understand why he hasn't responded... I just know that he misses me but want to hear him say it for a change otherwise I will feel defeated if I give in again.Why would a man do this to a woman he knows he loves especially when she gave him an opportunity to meet up with him to give him his bday gift. I feel like if I don't ever tell him I want or need or miss him that I will never hear from him again but I find that hard to believe also. What type of guy have I been dating and why does he shut me out completely when I know that I am all he wants. If I did tell him I missed him I know we would be back together that day but I can't do that again. Please guys help me out here, what is happening? Thank you
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Sounds like whats happening is you both stroke each others ego's. He walks off, waits for you to say you miss him, he says he misses you, and then you're back to square 1 waiting for the next time you both start feeling a bit low in self asteem again.
Maybe he's fed up with all the needing to reassure each other all the time. It doesn't sound like a text book relationship to me?
He liked you doing the chasing, but even though he was being reassured, you were never really being reassured because it was you that had to make the first move all the time.
You would probably both be best off going to couple counselling to sort out why you both go round in these circles?
C xxxx
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 August 2008):
To put it simply: you're always there. Yes, you're the one who always caves in first and makes the first call. Dont't try and win a man over by buying him gifts, although it is because you care and it is his birthday--you cater to him way too much. You would think a guy would love that...I would! But I've read a lot of things about the differences between males and females, and really, they are the ones that want to cater to us. He probably is still crazy about you and really is a great guy...but he's a guy. 11 days isn't THAT bad, I know it seems like forever and probably A LOT longer than usual. But let him come to you. Make him crazy about you again. Let him do the calling and the making up. He will call you eventually. If he didn't want to talk to you at all EVER he would probably say so. So keep yourself busy in the meantime. Anytime you feel like calling him, call a girlfriend, your parents...ANYBODY BUT HIM! Let him do the chasing.
I know it all sounds stupid and like it's game playing. I've felt like I've been way beyond that, but if he knows you'll be there no matter what and you'll call him with "I miss you" he'll walk all over you because he can. And when he does call you, don't go running right back into his arms. Let him know how it makes you feel. Like, "When you [instert you answer] I feel [what you feel]." Hope this helps. Stay busy!
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