A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi,i've been seeing my bf, who i love and feel he loves me, for a year now. My problem is that he is such an extremely private person that he won't introduce me to his family, let alone even tell them i exist! To add to this, he lives with his parents because of financial reasons. He works but doesn't earn fantastically and its cheaper to pay rent to his parents.He definitely isn't married as he spends a lot of time with me at my house.Another problem is that i feel i'm doing all the hospitality things in our relationship. I invite him to have dinner with my son and myself a few times a week as he's coming to visit anyway and when he stays the night i always cook a full english breakfast too. I am guilty of being too nice and never ask him to contribute as its my home and i like offering him food anyway. The trouble is, he never offers to buy the food for breakfast and disregards my meals in a way because whenever we buy a take away i always pay my share and my son's if he's eating too. He occasionally comments how our relationship is fair and we aren't in each others pockets but i feel i'm actually doing more than my fair share in the hospitality side of things. Sometimes i'm so paranoid about keeping things fair that i feel i over pay by offering to buy lunch etc because he's used his petrol to drive us a fairly long distance to visit a town etc, but after i feel like i've over done it again and feel hard done by! i'm not sure if i should be in this relationship as i'm finding it hard to keep things fair if he doesn't ever offer, and i can't be treated to a meal at his house cos it's his family's house! Otherwise, I love him, we get on brilliantly as the chemistry is right but am i being taken for granted?I'd like some male advice please? I've come out of a very long marriage and i don't want to appear to be a gold digger or with someone for what i can get but i do want fairness! i just cant seem to get it right though! Help!
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 Sorry I am not male, but hope you do not mind some imput.
"He occasionally comments how our relationship is fair and we aren't in each others pockets "
In his eyes, things are fair...FOR HIM. He is not considering the impact on you.
Sigh, sounds like my last bf, but I called it quits at 6 mos. I think his family should at LEAST know about you and you should be introduced.
Some men do not like to do that UNLESS they see themselves settling down with you (marriage/living together).
If things have not changed much in a year, then they might not at all! Have to talked to him about it? If he makes plans and invites you out someone, let him plan it and pay for it. Resist the urge to "overpay".
With my last BF, we took turns treating eachother to a nice meal out. BUT, I asked that it be according to our budgets. If all he could afford to buy was burgers for us one day..that was fine and fair. But, when it was MY turn to treat, he would always try and steer us to an exspensive steakhouse. I would let him know what was more in my range and he would actually pout like a child.
Then he invited me to a "suprise" lunch at a pricey seaside resturaunt and subtlely tried to get me to pay the bill!
He has reasons why I could not meet his family. He told me his parents were Staunch Catholics that would freak at their Golden Boy dating a divorced woman with two kids and that even the last woman he lived with for 5 years did not meet his Mom because she was upset about HER being a divorcee with kids as well.
It was after that conversation that I decided that relationship was far more work than fun. In your case, it sounds like it is getting very close to the point where he has outlasted his welcome into your life...and there is no real place for you in his.
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (11 August 2011):
 Interesting. It seems he may have issues that he doesn't want to tell his family he is in a relationship with a girl who has a son. It seems he wants two seperate lives, one at home with his family, then another in a family. A year is a long time to not tell his family about you. However, I believe it is a lot to do with you having a son. Perhaps his family have mentioned in the past regarding dating single mums etc. Time for a talk I'm afraid and asking the reasons why he hasn't mentioned you to his family. See what he says.
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