A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I like this guy a lot. I used to not think much of him the first few months I knew him, but then the more I saw of him (which is often cuz I work with him), the more I liked him. And now I don't even need to see him to think about him. He's not just nice-looking either; he's a decent person as well. The combination of both got me to start liking him.Thing is, I'm seriously seeing and living with someone I love, or at least think I love. We've been dating a few years now; he still treats me really well, is super-sweet and good-looking. The guy I like is getting married in a month or so, and I'm 100% sure he doesn't like me in any way other than maybe a distant friend at best. I most certainly don't want him to know how I feel about him, but it might be too late for that cuz I think he noticed my glancing at him a lot one day and moved to sit behind me so I would stop. I continue to keep looking at him tho, cuz even if he might be feeling awkward, I'm definitely feeling uneasy and don't want to be the only one in the situation who feels uncomfortable (sounds selfish I know, but then again my goal is to not have a chance at hooking up with him).Anyway, how can I get myself to stop liking this guy? I want to stay with my current boyfriend and enrich my relationship with him, but my liking this other guy is putting a damper on that. Help!
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male
reader, lupa-k  +, writes (25 April 2007):
Perhaps you need to try and distance yourself from him as much as possible. Although you state that you don't need to see him to think about him, its quite probable that if you didnt see him at work then things wouldn't be so awkward.
Sometimes working out exactly what it is you find so attractive about him can take away the myth of perfection that is so easy to hold with crushes. When I was younger, there was a girl I held in complete adulation - whom I thought was perfect. As I got to know her a lot more, I realised the things that were attracting me to her and it made it so much easier to switch off these feelings
A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (25 April 2007):
 My advice is to stop trying to stop liking this guy. Ever get the giggles in church? You know how the harder you try to fight them, the worse they are? Same thing with crushes. And that is all this is...just a crush. They are intense and they are obnoxiously obsessive, but they are just little crushes and eventually, you'll get tired of it. Let it run its course--if you want to fantasize about him, do so. If you want to write corny letters to him (that you don't send!) go for it. Let those feelings get as big as they want, because when they do, they'll start to go back down--really.
In terms of your relationship, use your crush to enrich your relationship. When you feel those flutters of infatuation, close your eyes and act out those feelings with your man. If you want to wear sexy new clothes because you are hot for your crush, go for it. And wear them when you take your man out on a date. Our feelings can seem out of our control to a large degree--but what we do with them, that is within our control. Channel your crush into your relationship--you'll start to feel those feelings for your man soon enough and tire of fantasies of a man you can't have.
However, one word of caution. Stop trying to make your crush uncomfortable. It is unfair and mean, and will definitely be giving him the impression that you are unstable. He hasn't done anything to deserve that discomfort, yes? Fantasize and feel all you like. But keep the lingering looks for the man who wants them.
Best of luck to you.
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