A
female
age
51-59,
*aragh
writes:I am a 38 yr old woman, myself and my husband have been married for six years and together for 14 years. I am in a horrible personal crisis about my life as it is today. I was a fat child and have been overweight all my life (approx. 4 stone overweight). I never got any attention from the opposite sex. I had a few boyfriends and the first guy I seriously dated for two years (and lost my virginity to) dumped me for one of my friends. I was always the one in the group who was overlooked and was never considered attractive. I then left my home country and came to the UK where I met my husband. At the time I was an average weight and looked good. I loved the attention he gave me and I felt at last someone would love me and that I wouldn’t be left on the shelf. However he wanted a serious relationship from the outset and although my head said no, my heart went with it. Over the years we have both had drug and alcohol problems. Since the beginning in fact. Today is the first day of cold turkey and I am scared. Scared for my lost life that I have spent in a spaced out state and of all the suppressed. I have no sex drive whatsoever and I would love to have a baby which is why I wanted us to clean up our act. Our life consists of a very boring routine and I feel like something in me has died. I feel trapped and alone - I managed to let my friendships go and my family dont live in this country. We have never used protection in the last 8 years we have been together and not once have I gotten pregnant, had a miscarriage...nothing. We went through tests and was told we it was unexplained infertility. So my personal crisis is I am nearly 40, I dont feel or look good. I have no children and may never have. We live in rented accommodation so I feel like I have no roots. I have no real friends that I trust. Everyone around me is having babies and its killing me. I look to the future and get a lump in my throat because I dont know how to change things to make life better for myself as I think emotionally speaking I have hit rock bottom. My great job could evaporate with the recession, at any moment and then I have nothing. This circle of life have been occurring for me over the last five years and so has fueled a cocaine and marijuana addiction that I am now only able to admit. I wish there was someone that could appear and pull me out of this hopeless emptiness that is my life at the moment. I know there are people out there with far bigger issues then me and please figure me for feeling sorry for myself - I guess this is the only place I can truthfully sound off as I don’t really have anyone else in my world that is interested in me. I would love to change everything - where I live, my job - my weight, my attitude to life but I feel the pit that I am at the bottom of is so deep that I cant seem to pull myself out - I so need some real help as life seems so empty. I have tried counseling but they just listened where as I need some real guidance. I've tried talking to my husband and he helps me sometimes but one of the things I really need to talk about is whether I am with the right person...I have some many questions I need answers to, and I am a serial procrastinator...Where can I find the guidance I need to get me out of this hole?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): This is so easy it's painful to see you where you are.
The solution is that you have to change your perception, both of the past and where you are today. Tomorrow is not something to be worried about, as we find that if we're happy where we are RIGHT NOW, tomorrow will come and be fine.
The drink and drugs are but a symptom of a greater pain (as is the food)- you have to address the cause.
The tragic truth is that many of us avoid the absolute best solution that is laid down right in front of us, and that is to get ourselves to an AA meeting, where we can be surrounded by people who have been EXACTLY where we are, and share with us a simple program that relives us of the pain.
The weird thing is that many people are convinced that the program (which is simple and free) will NOT work for them, yet we're surrounded by hundreds of people who it HAS WORKED FOR. It's fine to believe that it will not work, just do what they say, and watch... life gets MUCH better, and you'll find yourself in a group of people who you think are your long lost tribe. Trust me it works, and it's world wide... get to a meeting, tell someone what your feeling and you'll be amazed. Try several meetings and find one that fells like home, then go to meetings and start sharing your fears (feelings) as soon as you can.
This program has saved the lives of millions, it's simple, free and proven to be the most successful solution, where fellow drunks can help one another without the intervention of "professionals" who while they have good intentions, can't relate they way a fellow drunk can.
Please find a meeting near your flat, and get there ASAP.
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