A
female
age
30-35,
*adine.x
writes:Hello...Well ive been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months now...He is coming back from the army soon and i wanted to spend two days at his dads house with him when his dad is away.. just to have time to talk and stuff... But this would mean lying to my mum saying that i was at my girl friends houses both nights... i know its not the right thing to do but i know i really want to spend some time with him and being 17 i think i can start making decisions... But i just want to know if anyone could ressaure me that it'll work if i say im staying at girls houses... they wont know he is home from the army so wont suspect that im at his... I just really want it to work and have some time just me and him when he is back...So if yous could let me know what yous think...Thankyou... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, prettygirlie +, writes (21 April 2010):
Me and my boyfriend have been together a yr and a half now and hes in the army, and was only back at weekends. I use to lie to my family bout bein with him cause dey didnt want me stayin ova early on incase it all messed up. But i use 2 say i was at a mates house and den jus send a txt or call or somethin, the normal thing u usually do when u stay out do it and then they will ashume its normal. And maybe if u got a close mate ur sayin ur stayin at get her 2 come urs b4 u leave and leave with u and ur stuf, it sorta confirms ur with her.
But make sure your mums aint mates and wont chat cause u could get caught out!!!
Have fun!
And hope u sort out wat u tlk bout x x
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 March 2010):
 "doesnt seem very positive which is worrying me" What did you expect everyone to say? Encourage you to lie to your parents? Have you not seen the news lately - a girl being raped and murdered because she lied to their parents about where they were going? You could get run over by a bus, and your parents wouldnt know until they got a phone call. This is an extreme example, but bad things can happen when you lie, and often it happens when you never think it could.
What you are doing, is acting like a spoilt child. Your parents have said no (or you dont want to ask them) so you are going to do it anyway, "coz you want to". Its just like having a temper tantrum because you are not getting your own way. If you are 17, then you are probably coming up to AS exams? Perhaps they think they are more important than boys?
Try looking at it from your parents point of view. They are looking out for you, and thinking about the rest of your life, not just your current love interest.
If you want your parents to trust you and treat you like an adult, then, I'm afraid, you need to start acting like one. That means being honest, taking it on the chin, and talking to them.
You dont say why your parents won't let you see him. Do they not like him? Why is that? Is it just they wont let you stay over? What exactly will they let you do?
How old is your boyfriend? And the other thing, where is he coming back from? Is he just on leave from training, or has he been out on active service? If he has come back from theatre, then emotionally he may not be ready for a full on two days with you. He may just want some space.
I know you think that we are just boring old adults, all trying to stop you having fun. Well we are not - lies will always come back to bite you on the bum. And you will be found out. When that happens, your parents will be even less likely to trust you, and even less likely to be happy with you seeing this guy.
Try and think about this from the wider viewpoint, not through teenage rose coloured glasses.
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A
female
reader, Nadine.x +, writes (9 March 2010):
Nadine.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice... doesnt seem very positive which is worrying me,cause i know this is something that i want to do and i know will make me happy, do yous not think that sometimes in life you gotta bend the rules if it means being happy...?
xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): Why not ask if he can come over to yours for a day and a night? Your parents might feel more comfortable knowing you are under their roof and they know where you are. It might not be the situation you want, but its better than being caught lying and not being allowed to see him again at all.
From my own experience, when I was a teenager the times when I was disobeying my mum or trying to go out when I shouldn't, she was stricter on me each time. As I got older and was about 16 she could see I had changed and I genuinly listened and took her advice which gave her trust in me and I was given more freedom.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 I can't reassure you that you won't be caught because I was and I was still in college when my parents caught me in this very same lie. Now even though I was a legal adult, I lived at home during the breaks and my parents were paying for my schooling, so their house, their rules. I'll never forget the disappointed look on my father's face. You say, "i wanted to spend two days at his dads house with him when his dad is away.. just to have time to talk and stuff..." just make sure you use protection, that kind of talking and stuff can certainly get you caught 9 months down the line, if you get my drift. I really advise a plan B where you see as much of him as you can arrange but at the same time being totally upfront with Mom and Dad. That way you can't have any possibility of major regrets later.
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A
female
reader, Nadine.x +, writes (8 March 2010):
Nadine.x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks... yeah mum and dad obv know all about him and their just too strict... and its not 2 intense days its two days where i just want to be with him to cuddle or talk .... and he wouldnt rape me we have been to gether 6 months and yeah maybe were in a sexual relationship but were both legal...
But thanks for your answer anyway... it was appreciated.x
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 March 2010):
Don't lie to your parents. If you want them to treat you like an adult, then you need to act like one. If they find out that you lied to them, they will lose all trust in you, and be even more restrictive with you in the future. They will probably think he is encouraging you to lie to them, then they will not be happy with your relationship.
It is also very unfair to get your friend to lie for you. She will also get into big trouble if this all comes out.
I know you have missed him, but if he has been on active service, then yes, he may be coming home for 2 days, but his head will not necessarily be in a place where he is ready to spend two intense days with his girlfriend. War can affect people in many different ways, and often they just want a bit of space, no fuss etc.
Also, you are still young,under 18 so technically still a child in the eyes of the law. What would happen if he tried to take advantage of you, and you didnt want it? Would you be able to stop it? Who would come to help you, no one would know where you were. If he raped you or something (purely hypothetical) what evidence would you have to prove anything? He could say he never saw you. Please wise up - lies never lead to anything good.
Why do you think your parents will not let you go? Do they actually know you are dating this guy? Do they know you are having a sexual relationship? If your parents have issues about this, then maybe they are valid. They have your best interests at heart, and I know you probably dont want to hear it, but sometimes parents do know best. All you can see is your still very young romance - its still very much in the honeymoon period, especially if he has been away for a while.
Would it be a weekend, or week days? Are you at school? Would you bunk off school to spend those days with him? These are all BIG issues.
If you want your parents to treat you like an adult, then stop thinking like a teenager, trying to get away with things by telling lies.
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