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anonymous
writes: I am with an amazing guy and up until now we've been very happy.The unhappiness started when I felt that he didn't like me anymore. Of course being an idiot female I then asked him if he liked me all the time, read way too much into everything he said and generally annoyed him. This all came to a head when my self esteem was so low that I wanted to break up with him. I needed so much reassurance that it was driving me mad, I thought I'd rather be alone than annoy him as much as I had been doing. He didn't want to break up so now we are at the point where I need to change my behaviour or risk losing the most patient man on the planet! I need some advice on how to be with him without demanding too much! Many thanksSally Ann
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (18 January 2005):
 Obviously something has happened in your life to make you suffer such low self esteem. Perhaps firstly you need to challenge this and try to understand why your lack of confidence has come about. However, perhaps more importantly, you need to realise that this guy thinks the world of you and that however you see yourself is not the way he necessarily perceives you!You need to build your self esteem independently. Try initially writing down 10 things that you really do like about yourself. For example, perhaps you are very affectionate and loving, maybe you have a creative, artistic flair, perhaps you are good at communicating and are intelligent. It doesn't matter what it is, write it down. Read it every day, remembering that that is why he likes you so much! Tell him that you are working on building your self esteem and that you certainly don't mean to be demanding in terms of needing his reassurance. You will probably find that he will voluntarily tell you what he loves about you. Develop your own life also that is separate from his by meeting friends and getting out and about. This will certainly help build your confidence as you will discover that other people will find you interesting and fun to be with too. Express also how much you love him and tell him why you want to be with him so that you are more focused on him than on your need to be reassured.I do hope this helps.Rebecca
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