A
male
age
41-50,
*wordfish
writes:So this is what happened. I started dating this girl one year ago. She is 30, I am 35. At the beginning, it was exciting, she was classy, elegant, fun, spicy, etc. In the first months we had great sex and she was seeing the whole thing as fuck buddies kind of thing but I somehow pushed it for more. At some point we were seeing each other almost every day, and also some shit started to appear. Sometimes she was acting narcissistic, selfish, arrogant, looking me down without no reason, etc. Eventually, after some months, I discover that she was not over her ex. They were together for 3 years but they were still meeting from time to time, but by the time I discover that, she told me this kind things only happened “at the beginning of the relationship”. In that time, she was pretty much happy and attached to me, so I thought, “well, even if it was not only at the beginning, whatever, she is with me now. Maybe she is lying but she still wants to save the situation with me and she probably thinks this thing with the ex is now finished”.And therefore for the next months everything was super fine, we traveled together, we spend a lot of time together, etc. However, the ex appeared again (probably he was not never completely out of the equation), and after one month or two she decided to go with him and finish with me. She said she didn’t mean to play but that she has to see how would it be with that guy after all. She says she felts so guilty for everything but recogiced with me she feels alive, passionate and romantic but that don’t have a clear future ahead. That was around one month ago. Obviously I was devastated and acting needy for some weeks, but nevertheless we are still seeing each other mostly to have sex, going to dinner, concerts, etc. Even if I was stupidly after her, she felt for it. We kind of drive each other crazy. So, if she decided for the other guy (who maybe played it all good without being needy, makes her think about the old good times, gives her some kind of safety feeling, etc), why is she still fall to have sex with me? What should I do? I would like to have her back? Of course. I think she is still more attached to me physically and emotionally. So, why would she choose this other guy? And why she still wants me on her bed?
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male
reader, Swordfish +, writes (10 June 2018):
Swordfish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw her yesterday and decided not to see each other for some time. She told me she didn’t expected to come back to the ex, that she thought that it was finished, and in the same time didn’t expected to have something so serious with me. And it was really nice, but she was being selfish and it is not fair for anybody in this situation. Anyway, reality is that she couldn’t stop seeing the other person and that even she has feelings for both a decision has to be made. And that is that she comes back to him, it wouldn’t be fair for me anyway if she stays with me knowing that she is not completely over this other person. She has to find out how would it be with this ex. She said a couple months ago this was unbelievable for her, but she started to see him again before he left the city, and he ask her to follow him. And she felt for it. Doesn’t mean she does not have feelings for me, but still has to make a choice. Honestly I don’t think it would work out with him, but I cannot do other thing to walk away, at least for a while...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 June 2018):
 I won't put myself in this situation, so yes I won't understand. Like you can debate if an alcoholic has a free will to purchase another case of beer, or to kick the habit. I would hope to see that the excitement will lessen each time but it doesn't. Some people go on for years and still feel trapped. I don't see people knowingly go in love triangles as moral people. My only advice would be, if you choose something, fully enjoy it, be fully aware of what you are doing or leave. Or else, don't complain on here.
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A
male
reader, Swordfish +, writes (9 June 2018):
Swordfish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, the “bf” is not in the city and as far as I know he thinks she chose her and that am not seeing her. Or maybe he suspects I do. Anyway, she is such a good lier so who knows. It is true I’m infatuated and unable to leave. But of course hate the situation. She must be really dumb to make 3 people (including herself) unhappy for such a long time. I doubt she enjoys the whole thing. And then she decides but obviously she is not sure about it. Selfish narcissistic bitch? definitely
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 June 2018):
 Why? Why have one man when you can have two, both fulfilling different needs?
She does it because YOU (and the other guy - if he knows of the full situation) ALLOW it. You are so infatuated with her, you will allow her to treat you any way she wants. Trust me, this could go on for years and years and years.
You are not helpless in this situation. Take back control. If you want to be in a one-to-one relationship with her, tell her and let her decide whether she is going to leave the other guy. If not, then admit she may NEVER be yours completely, wish her well and move on with your life. Or carry on in this limbo until SHE makes a decision for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2018): Sorry I do not agree with the first response. I feel like you have to really be in a situation like this to fully understand. I know that cause I have lived it and it caused my husband to commit suicide this passed Nov. but let me start by saying I left and never once cheated. I left cause I wanted to better our situation not to really be with anyone else but it happen. I fell hard for a friend that I had know for a long time. he also was seeing someone else and still is but he sees both of us. My husband did have another relationship as well. that's what makes this all confusing. he was in love with me and was he was trying to find in her he couldn't I even went as far as moving and moved back. I didn't think I was inlove with my husband but that was not true I hurt horribly everyday that he is not here with me. If I could change how I made him hurt and just worked on us I would give anything to do that. cause I know exactly how I made him feel now. cause I treated him how this other guy that is still in my life treats me. but maybe not as bad. I can only say that she is really confused so she doesn't know how to pick between you too. the thing to do is cut yourself out of it now. Because if you don't you will only find your self starving for someone who can not commit to you. I wish I my husband was still here cause I would pick him over this other man any day. I don't believe she is using anyone. I believe she loves both of you but one of you more then the other. she finds herself back to you because I have feeling that the man she goes off with is doing to her what she is doing to you. the triangle is like a death trap. its hard to get out of once your in it. but standing up for yourself not answering her calls and running to her for when she needs you is what you have to be strong about. I think people that haven't been in this kind of situation has no clue. the emotional abuse your doing to yourself is not worth living your life and moving on. my guy is currently in jail I'm the only one there for him. but why I even lower my standards to all this rough relationship I have no clue. my husband was nothing like this. he was agreat man and I ruin it by thinking I could help him get better by leaving. not true 3 yrs of my life messed up over lust and thinking I was inlove with someone who is never there for me. that probably uses me, emotional and mentally abuses me. he barks I run.... I feel like a coward cause I can say no and walk away. but its so hard. just yesterday he tells me he is going to marry the other women that he got pregnant and having baby day before my bday. all the things he promised he wasn't going to do he is. and he says we should be good friends and he say he doesn't care who I'm with now it hurt horrible. after I all this i have gone through crap losing my family when i knew i should of let him go a long time ago. since my husband passed i wish i could go back to that day and fix everything with him. he treated me like a women and i see now why he acted the way he did. it wasn't all selfish it was because he love me so much he just wanted to be love back the same way. 13 yrs with a wonderful man i was blind too until i got with this other guy.. so live your life man before its too late. if she was the one you wouldn't have to worry about another man. cause when someone loves you they would go to no ends for you and that is the truth. I'm so mad at myself all i can do now is move on and forgive myself for hurting someone i care so much for that i give anything to take back everything that happen. sorry for sharing so much. but i know your pain and your hurt. I'm moving on I'm not answering his abusive phone calls no more. its my money and I'm just done.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2018): Well isn't she having the best of both worlds, she doesn't want to cut either of you off because she is getting something from you both.
But come on now, do you really want to be with a woman who is having sex with another man, never mind her talking about not seeing a future with you can you honestly see a future with her?
You are INFATUATED with her, NOT in love and you want what you can't have. You described her from word go as being someone who is not actually girlfriend material, she is in my words wild and you are enjoying the ride. Except she is showing her true colors, has reeled you in and now you are struggling to cut loose.
I would love to say keep your dignity and kick this hoe to the curb but i am going to hazard a guess she will keep you around a bit longer and you will stay, a real shame because i am sure you could have a great future with a woman who really does love you and want that exclusivity of a relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 June 2018):
It sounds like you are the other man and her boyfriend does not know about you. I am guessing he's older, lives a distance away but gives her money. She is playing you both and reaping the maximum benefits. You don't have to feel so helpless about this once you see this with clear eyes. You are infatuated. You can't separate sex and love. You don't want to lose to the other guy. I do think she is narcissistic. She's able to charm you and make you fall for her. What you should do? Cut that lying bitch out and don't fall for just anyone next time.
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