A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I've been there for him through a lot of family problems. He lives at home with just his sister (with no parents) and he's 19 years old.I just feel like his sister takes full advantage of him, when i try to bring issues up, i always get "but me and my sister have been through so much" and i really don't know whether i'm making a big deal out of nothing.What gets on my nerves and has really started upsetting me.. is that she's 21 years old and she's just got a degree and left university. She's got herself a full time job and training to be a manager which is very good!! Anyway, my boyfriend cooks her tea every single night and picks what she wears for her.I feel like i'm getting old before my time because when i go round to see him, we make his sister's tea when she gets in and we have to go and pick her up from work. When we go shopping as well, she comes with us because I drive, she's just so lazy. she can't be bothered to get the bus on her own. the thing is, it turns into being all about her. i sent her an email which took me 2 hours to do with clothes on because she didn't like shopping, she loved loads of the things but didn't buy any.. what is worse, when me and my boyfriend go shopping, he starts picking things for her!The last thing which really gets to me, he calls us his angels.. but i don't want to be 'one of' i want to be his all! i just feel like i'm not needed because he's got her.They also say "I love you" all the time and it's really getting to me because he says it to me, it's like it's becoming routine, she says it back, they say it all the time and it's just really embarrasing when your sat in a taxi with him holding his hand while he's on the phone and he says "love you" i get so many funny looks!I'm just in a rut because we want to move in together but she can't live on her own. She can't even cook a pizza and she doesn't even open any of the bills. She has no responsibility and i'm pretty sure he's going to let me down and not move in with me because of her.I'm not sure what to do!! :( Please Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'll give you a heads up. i'm still with him!!
but she's still driving me insane. it's not my place to say anything, but the more she does the more i hate her. recently her family have told her she needs to do something & get on with her life & grow up but she just ends up crying. my boyfriend then does the 'she's heartbroken, imagine how she feels, she's my sister' & the more he does it, the more i leave him to it, to the point i think where i'll have nothing to say about it.
urh, i don't know. what goes around comes around (I HOPE)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): I'm sorry...that's crazy. Forget him. Be w/ someone normal and try to just forget him. It will hurt but u will get over it...in time, of course. (Sigh) rather than dealing w/ it for the rest of your life.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Thanks for writing back. It looks like the sister is already fighting the separation. I'm wondering if a family counselor would be in order. The sad thing is that the sister is not making herself happy. Without help they will have trouble whether you are in it or not.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm finding this really hard. I'm trying to keep at it. Every little thing she does now, it affects me. It affects mine and my boyfriend's relationship.
He had to ring his Grandad whilst visiting me 30 miles away from home to get a tin of beans for his sister who lives 4 minutes around the corner and was with him at that particular time anyway, because she doesn't want to ask.
She's pushing me away from him. The more he gives in to her, the more he pushes me away.
Thank you for your advice though.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 November 2009):
interesting title and a long story. It seems that you have a pretty accurate picture of the situation. You are trying to decide whether to move in or move on. I really don't have much advice for you.
Every person you will meet, have met, or are involved with now, has baggage. In this case a close and mutually supporting brother sister relationship. Some have ex wives and children or child support or visitation. Some have aging parents. Some have hang ups. Everyone has something.
The question before you is can you handle this? You can't just take the parts of him you like and leave the rest behind. Is he good enough, or you two together good enough, to put up with this baggage of his? if it is go forward, if it's not move on.
In the long term his sister will want more from her roommate than laundry and shopping. They can't have full happy lives until they separate, But it won't be easy. and that separation will hurt those around them, so you will have to be ready to go through that too.
In the end it really is up to you.
FA
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