A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Let me begin by painting the scenario:I broke up with my ex over a year ago. We didn't talk and didn't see eachother for a whole year. I knew she had gotten a new boyfriend about 6 months after our break up and very recently, a year since our break up, she texted me out-of-the-blue. From there, flames started rekindling. We hung out a bit and eventually, we reached the point where we hooked up. She cheated on her boyfriend.Now fastfoward a bit, she's been cheating on her boyfriend for over a month and a half. She sees me one day and her boyfriend the next. She hasn't slept with him since she slept with me, or so that's what she says, but her story and her emotions seem convincing enough. Within the time that she's been cheating, we both realized that this shouldn't continue and that it is wrong. I have asked her numerous times to think realistically for a second, and she has to leave either her boyfriend or me. I have told her that if she doesn't leave her boyfriend, I will leave. I have also said that this is psychology and emotionally not healthy for anyone and it needs to stop.However, i find myself magnetized by her, but it eats me up whenever she disappears for the weekend or a couple of days and I dont hear from her or anything.At these times, I get a chance to step back and reflect. It really makes me want to leave her and the pain she is causing me. The guilt and sympathy I feel towards her boyfriend grows every time too. I just feel bad for the guy, but I do still care about my ex. So much so that i cannot leave her no matter how much I say. IT SEEMS LIKE SHE HAS CONTROL OF THE SITUATION and that I AM LOSING MY POWER IN THIS GAME.She tells me she wants to be with me, that she is waiting for me, waiting for time,but in reality, im waiting for her right now. If she really felt that way, she would have left her boyfriend by now?What do i do? I find myself convinced that my ex still loves me and wants to be with me. I'm not a very gullible person so she is definitely doing something right. I definitely know how to play girls and play the game, but I just can't seem to play this situation out because it is definitely not a typical game of love.There has been one instance when she and her ex were on the verge of a break up, but when it came down to it, it didn't happen and she ended up staying in her relationship.I know the sane thing to do is to leave her and just leave the pain...but, i see other options, and i wonder what opinions other people can offer me...option 1) waiting game: wait it out and just "date" around. see where this can take me. take it for what it is, have fun, and become detached to the situation.option 2) move on, forget her, erase her, delete her from my mindoption 3) sabotage the situation somehow so that she breaks up with her boyfriend . Maybe I can tell the boyfriend about how shes been cheating? maybe someone else can? and see where that brings me ( a very sinful thought )I am open to your thoughts and would really appreciate any feedback.PS, I do truely still care for her, otherwise, I would never continue being a part of a cheat longer than once!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhaha so blunt, but accurate. thanks a lot for helping me affirm my decision to leave.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): She's cheating on her boyfriend, plain and simple but in a way she's also cheating on you. She's stringing you along as she's got the best of both worlds.
You know its wrong, put yourself in the other dudes place, how would you like it? And what if you do hook up and she disappears for a weekend or goes out and "stays at a friends" immediately red flags will be raised because right now you may "love her" but you really don't trust her, and that isn't healthy now or moving forward.
Whatever excuses you give i.e I would never cheat...but (insert excuse here) simply doesn't wash, you cheat because you want to and you're getting free sex which you know is morally wrong due to the circumstances.
You knew she was taken, yet still pursued it.
Sabotage is just plain cruel, have some guts and break it off, if she really doesn't want to be with him then she'll break up with him, if she doesn't, well she wasn't that into you and only wanted sex.
Man up and do the right thing.
Good luck.
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