A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The backdrop is....8 years ago I was in a relationship with a woman (I'm a woman) we were togther for about three years and then she dumped me to get married to a man. Now, fast forward...this love of my life looked me up about four months ago, now divorced and has a bf of 4 years. She seemed as if she wanted to be friends, but when we finally met again we were intimate. She told me she was in a serious relationship with a man and that she loves him dearly. I have now found myself in a love triangle. She says she wants us both and can keep her feelings for both the bf and me separate. She comes into town to see me and go to visit her at least once a month. I am so torn, I've tried to walk away but my heart keeps missing her and she keeps telling me how in love she is with me. She says the only reason she is not married to the bf is because his finances are not together. She says she has no problem with me seeing others, but I can't it would be an unfair situation. She told her bf about us 8 years ago and lied to him just recently about how far we have gone. She told me she could never give me the serious relationship I desire. Am I just living in a fantasy world? Can this really work? What should I do?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 I like this line from Ask_Oldersister:
"she's not going to give you a serious relationship".
That's all you need to know. If I were you, I would leave her. You're not receiving love, or affection, or the relationship you want: you're there just to satisfy her.
Take care.
A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 It sounds as though she could happily continue as you are doing, seeing both of you, so I think it's sadly up to you to decide if you think you can accept a future with her, knowing you will always be sharing her.
It's a tough situation and I don't envy you, it's so hard to know what do for the best when you have strong feeliongs for someone, but only you know deep down if you can cope with it or not Sweetie.
I would cut your losses, take some time to grieve and then move on, as you deserve to be with someone who can love you back 100% instead of 50%.
Good luck x x x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 April 2008):
 She's sitting in the catbird seat now isn't she?! I think you know deep down what you should do. Like pulling off a bandaid, just do it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2008):
Yes she treats you like she loves you because it's fun. But she has told you there is no future here.
The fact you want more will mean that you will get hurt more the longer you let it happen.
Cut it off now for your own sake. Do you really think you could be happy sharing this woman for the rest of your life? I wouldn't be.
Never take second best when it comes to your happiness.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the responses. Yes, I should move on, but she treats me as if we are in a relationship. Calls me everyday, texts me, sends me gifts and make sure she ends the day with telling me she loves me. She seems to think this will last forever. Several times she has told me that she is not going anywhere. Can a person really be in two relationships and truly keep them separate?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 April 2008):
She's got everything she wants and she has been open with you. She's going to marry her bf and doesn't want a relationship with you.
She's going to use you then drop you and you are going to be really hurt.
Cut contact with her and be strong. Move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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