A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here’s my story..Four months ago, I married my girlfriend of two years. A month later, I found out that she is cheating on me. I was a wreck for a month. And then I met this girl. We have so many things in common - whether it be our interests, our background, our culture, belief and life itself. We have gone thru almost the same experiences and there would've been so many chances for us to know each other before we met our previous partners. (e.g. The schools we went to in high school were 8 mins apart, her mom and my adoptive mom met 3 years ago, Her girlfriend of 5 years cheated on her 2 years ago, the same time I just met my ex-wife and we almost, if I didn’t back out, became close neighbours when I was about to move to a house beside where she is currently living)We can just talk for hours and enjoy each other’s company. We understand each other so well and we click in so many ways. She appreciates what I do and what I love, which I never ever felt from my ex.I have been completely honest with her, and told her that I really do like her, and she is the reason why after all the crap I have been through with my ex, I am finally over it. But she told me she is not ready for anything serious as she just got out of a very long term relationship, and is thinking of focusing on her last year of her degree studies next year. So I thought, I’d just spend as much time as I can with her, without involving any sort of feelings because she may not reciprocate the feelings I have for her; plus, I have only been single for a month and still going through divorce, she may be just a rebound and the feelings I have for her may only be temporary.But last week, we spent the weekend together away with a couple in an island. Things happened between us. It was the most amazing weekend I’ve had in years. For some reason, out of fear that I may fall into the habit of us acting like a couple, I assured her “What happens in the island, stays in the island”.Few days passed after our amazing weekend, we started spending time together everyday. At first, it was awkward, we were back to being friends. Then one time, I spent the night at hers. We were lying in bed looking at each other and I can’t help thinking about kissing her, so I did and we made out. This started happening more often and I know with this thing between us going on, I will fall for her. And so I started seeing other people, even spent some time with my ex –which felt awkward as I do not feel that same love I have for her before. I did this just to divert my feelings else where and making sure I don’t fall in love.We never talked about “us” in a while, until one night, she asked me about “us”.She admits she likes me, but still isn’t ready for anything serious and is scared to fall for me. I know we are both just scared to get hurt again. I care for her so much, and I can feel that she does care for me too.How should we move on from here? Should we just keep on doing what we’re doing and avoid the “relationship” topic? Or should we just avoid each other or stop spending time together too much, until we are ready?Or is it really possible, that we are just meant for each other?.. =(
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male
reader, H4x14N  +, writes (22 September 2010):
I would like to know as well how things turn out.
My Suggestion to you is to simply re-explain your pains, and your fears to her. Remind her of what you went through in the least amount of words possible, But support her in finishing school. Let her know school comes first so she can be successful and after all that, bring up the topic of being a couple. Mean it, don't fake it.
That is how I would do it. I was in a relationship for a little over 3 years and It was like marriage. If after heartache you aren't willing to put your neck on the line, then throw in the towel. I believe that when love walks up to you and you don't take a chance at it, you will forever be left wondering.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): Whoa Dude, thats waaay too soon! In four months you have been thru some heavy stuff. You aint in no shape to commit to a relationship or too be in love yet. Wait until the divorce is final, before you invest in another relationship. You better be leary of chicklets who wanna fix you...if she really is the "woman of your dreams" she'll wont mind to wait until you are free. Be careful man, you're in danger of being used once again.
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A
male
reader, mason361  +, writes (22 September 2010):
 Love too soon? I think not.
I feel your pain, as I am still scared to fall in love. But I met the girl of my dreams only 1 week after leaving my ex (Whom I dated for a year and asked to marry me)
You love her, even if you cannot admit it to yourself. You two sound like you are meant to be. Even if you two are not ready to be a couple, you are. If you spend a lot of time with her, and a lot of time thinking about her, you are a couple. Take her out to the movies and dinner some night. Bring you two as a couple up. Ask her to be a couple, as she may feel the same, but is terrified to admit it.
Remember, she was hurt just as bad as you. She feels your pain, and obviously feels the same way. Make it happen.
Let me know how it turns out :)
Mason
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