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female
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*haroney
writes: I am currently in a relationship with a man I love to pieces, he makes me feel so alive, loved and amazing. I believe him when he says I make him feel the same. We spend a lot of time together doing romantic coupley things, but when it comes to sex I just have no sex drive at all. I like to touch him and be touched, but that's all. I've tried to explain to him that not wanting sex is no reflection of how I feel about him, and he says he will wait for me as long as it takes, our relationship is strong enough to survive without it. The problem is that I miss my sex drive! I used to be very highly sexed and it was great, it's kind of like really loving the taste of chocolate then one day suddenly not being able to taste it anymore. I am only 21, although my sex drive disappeared around the same time as I became ill with anorexia that is in the past now, I've regained weight and eat normally. I don't think there's an issue there anymore that would affect me in this way. What can I do to get my urges back?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): First of all, congratulations on combating and beating anorexia. I can imagine it was a struggle and am so happy you are on the road to good health and looking out for yourself. A decrease in sex drive is usually caused by changes in lifestyle or is a side effect of taking medications. also, as we take on more adult responsibilities, the strong desire for sex that we experienced earlier in one's relationship, often takes a huge nosedive. Between work, friendships, school, hobbies, volunteer work, homemaking and exercise, there just doesn't seem to be time for sex. When we do get a minute of free time, often the last thing we want to do is spend it in an amorous cuddle. Watching TV, reading a good book or stealing a few extra minutes of sleep can seem so much more gratifying. It's not that we don't want to have sex, it has just become a low priority. The first step to putting stress, fear and anxiety in their places is to ensure that your body is healthy and you are doing this. Keep eating a balanced diet, drink plenty of water, sleep at least eight hours a night, exercise regularly and practice relaxation techniques such as meditation helps. If you won't do it for your general health, do it for your sex life! You should also strengthen your mind: Spend time doing things that are good for you, such as reading, talking to your friends, kids and partner, and writing in a journal. With a healthy body and mind, you're much better equipped to keep your problems from intruding in the bedroom. If you've tried these techniques and still feel that anxiety and fear are damaging your libido, it may be time to see a professional. If you are comfortable with the idea, try talking to you family doctor or a sex therapist. Otherwise a psychologist, life coach or marriage counselor can help you feel better and enjoy sex more. Stay strong...and I wish you both the best, dear and keep up the "healthy lifestyle". Good luck and take care
Hugs, Irish
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