A
female
age
26-29,
*oveHurts2121
writes:Many people believe that love is a sensation that generates when Mr. or Mrs. right appears.Many people approach a relationship either consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation based on physical and emotional attraction that magically/spontaneously generates when that special person appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic just isn't there anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of love. But Why Does Love Hurt Right In Your Heart? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 All those things you say "many people believe" are not quite what really happens.
"Many people believe that love is a sensation that generates when Mr. or Mrs. right appears."
Or Mr./Ms. Wrong. Some of the most desperately, deeply in-love people I've ever met felt it for the wrong person, even years after they had been hurt, cheated on, and dumped.
"...they believe love is a sensation based on physical and emotional attraction that magically/spontaneously generates when that special person appears."
No, that's the initial high of the hormone rush on meeting someone who is up to your standards of attraction. Those standards can change, and the people who stimulate them may not be special.
"And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic just isn't there anymore."
Like any high, it goes away. If it's real love, there's enough oxytocin left behind that the two people still care about and are attracted to each other, but the vast majority of people will lose the initial rush. If there's no bond at all left, they've fallen out of love; more likely they just make that excuse to chase the next high.
"But Why Does Love Hurt Right In Your Heart?"
Fear of loss. You want something, need it, love it, and care about it - and losing it hurts more. Love hurts when you're so afraid of loss that you throw it away rather than risk getting even more attached. It hurts when you're so afraid of loss that you over-analyze every word they say in case there's some subtle hint that they are thinking about leaving.
Unfortunately, the fear of loss is also a very powerful motivator for attraction. Humans are wired that way; we fear losses more than we love gains. If we don't respond by throwing it away before it gets too big, we respond by getting really, really invested in it. And I'm pretty convinced the fear of potential loss, in some small measure, is vital for real love (kind of a bummer). But if you're doing it right, love is worth that pain.
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