A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My now ex-boyfriend and I were dating for 3years but he broke up with me a week ago, saying that he needs to find himself and what he wants out of life and that includes me. We had an amazing relationship but over the last couple of months we have drifted. We are both in our final year at university so my focus has been on there and he has made some new friends that keep telling him that he can do better than me.Also one of the main reasons why we broke up is because I didn't want to lose my virginity yet after 3 years. He threw this in my face several times and told me that no guy is ever going to be that patient with me again. I love him so much it hurts and he tells me that he needs space and needs time to miss me and if its me he wants in his life then he will fight for me if he comes to that conclusion but that I shouldn't get my hopes up.i don't know what to do I want to fight for him but nothing I say or do is going to change anything but I feel like I've lost then love of my life. He even asked me to marry him a year ago.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are both virgins
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2014): If he's your ex-boyfriend I guess it's all about you now.
He asked you to marry him? Was that to get you to give him sex? It is likely he wasn't doing without sex all this time.
I can almost assure you of that. You might be a bit naive.
Sometimes you have to standby your own set of values and that may be in total disagreement with someone you truly care about.
They will do everything possible to sway your position and to change your mind; but when that fails, sometimes they will stoop to tactics to make you feel guilty for standing by what you believe in. Thus, telling you his friends have decided he deserves someone better. Why is he discussing your business with his friends? What on earth do they have to say about it? Is a better girlfriend one who has sex? Let me guess, all his male friends said this? They would also be the first to put women down for liking sex as much as they do, and treat them disrespectfully.
On the contrary. YES, you will find other guys as patient as he was. It may not be easy. Finding a good match is never easy anyway.
He is manipulating you by hurting your feelings and making you feel bad. That isn't loving nor is it fair. He is crushing your self-esteem. His harsh words to you has turned him into something less than a good person. He didn't have to say things to make you feel bad, he could have left it at wanting to find himself; or he wanted to see other women. You feel bad enough about breaking-up, the rest of the stuff he said is to deliberately hurt you. No he isn't really the boyfriend for you. Not if he can say things like that to you without feeling bad about it.
You also have to be realistic. It isn't going to be easy to carry on a relationship that doesn't include sex. You will also have to decide on what platform you're standing that strongly insists that you be a virgin upon marriage. If it is for religious reasons. Then you had better find a partner as devout and pious as yourself. If you have notions that men demand it; then maybe you better think more in terms of what is best for YOU, and update your system of values. Don't feel that you will get a better man for maintaining your virginity. Nor that he will appreciate you any better for having it.
You've got school and your future ahead of you. You're young and you will have so many more choices among men.
When you breakup with someone; everything seems bleak and you don't feel optimistic about your future. That's normal, but it is only a temporary condition.
You are a strong young woman. You know when you give up your virginity, it will be at your own choosing and with the person you want to give it to. Be it before or after marriage. Maybe he can find a better girlfriend in his own opinion. Well, you can find an even better boyfriend. Who said he had a monopoly on finding a better mate? The world is as wide open to you, as it is for him.
Take care of yourself. Think about the cruel and harsh things said to you and let them give you power and strength. No one can take anything from you that you're not willing to give-up. That includes your beliefs. If he thinks tearing you down makes him deserving of someone better, karma will teach him otherwise. Sometimes a guy doesn't know the value of what he had, until it's gone.
Now it's his task to find someone better. Which means every girl he finds has to be compared to you. That is a powerful position. Don't you think?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 September 2014):
 Well, if he wasn't willing to wait 3 years and you weren't willing to have sex - you two have quite different ideas for a relationship.
Noe he ASKED you to marry him but did he actually propose? Because you call him ex-BOYfriend no ex-fiance. So did he ask because he thought if he asked you would put out?
My guess is you WANT to not have sex til marriage (and your ex knew that) but once at Uni around other young people who were having sex WITHOUT marriage he decided that he no longer wants to wait. And while that HURTS for you, HE has to decide that for himself, just like YOU have decided for YOURSELF to wait till marriage.
My advice focus on on finishing your education. You two are still pretty young for settling down into marriage. And as it runs out HE might not be the one for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2014): He's probably right on that one, but knowing how it goes you'll probably lose it within a year to the next guy that comes that you think you're in love with. I think it's hard on someone who would prefer to besexually active to be with someone who doesn't want to go through with intercourse and it is actually a legitimite reason to leave, I mean three years, and he obviously loved you, though he's gone now and you have to learn to let him go.
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