A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. Im 23 years old and I have lost my sex drive. I have been with my fiancee for a year and 8 months now. Our sex life was fine, both of us were able to get off and enjoy it. Lately, I'd say the last 1-2 months, I have had no interest whatsoever. We have still been having sex, about twice a week. It's more because I feel like we should be and I don't want to let him down. I am not able to get wet or excited really, we have to just use lube and I pass on foreplay because I just want to get it over with. He still does oral and I am able to orgasm but with a lot of effort, I have to focus completely on a porn image I have seen before. I used to be a sexual person I guess. I enjoyed masturbating a pretty frequent amount and often wanted sex more than he did. Now I have no desire at all for anything. Things that would have turned me on in the past do nothing for me now. When it was just a week I figured it would pass, but going on 2 months scares me. Our relationship is great and sex was never boring, I even tried new things and was really into spicing it up from time to time. And now, nothing. It has nothing to do with being bored or lack of interest in sex with him because its boring, I have no desire at all in the first place. I just feel I have to give all information because I have been looking it up online and it had all the basic crap- menopause, pregnancy, emotional problems with partner, boredom with sex life, medications.... None of those fit my problems. I have been on the same birth control for almost 2 years and I've been fine up til now. I haven't been stressed or depressed and clearly not going through menopause, and not pregnant or recently had a baby. Does anyone know why I would completely lose all desire to have sex/get off at such a young age? Please help because I am getting worried it isn't coming back.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Sounds like a hormone problem. Try to change your birth control pill, but talk to your doctor first and tell her your problems. Such a sudden change could be an indicator of something else. Maybe you should try to take a break from the birth control pill (use condoms instead!) and see how you feel, and if your period is normal.
It could also be something as far fetched as a food intolerance, or lowered metabolism, or fatigue. You say you aren't stressed, but it's not uncommon to feel ok, while your body feels stressed. It's happened to me many times, that I feel fine, but my body reacts with stomach aches or cramps or bleeding, and a disappeared sex drive doesn't strike me as an unusual symptom of stress.
It could be you're feeling uncomfortable with some things in your life at a more subconscious level. Do you dream? Do you have reoccurring dreams?
Before you try to analyze your mental health though I suggest you see your doctor, even if it is embarrassing, and ask about what might be the reasons for your sudden lack of sexual appetite. Alternatively take two-three months break from the birth control pill.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 its interesting that you say when you have been having sex lately is is more because you don't want to let him down. this is a cycle you are caught up in - you went off sex a bit, maybe this was just because you have been with him a while so it was not as exciting and fresh as before, but now you feel obliged to have sex with him out of a sense of duty, i am not surprised you are turned off.
see a doctor, maybe your hormones are out of sync, as they can fluctuate throughout our lives. if there is nothing physical wrong then look again at your lifestyle - do you get enough exercise? do you eat the right foods? is something bothering you? change of job? home circumstances? problems with friends or family? problems with the relationship. but above all TRY NOT TO WORRY ok? stressing about this will create a problem in itself. don't have sex out of duty, do it when you want to, it is normal for the amount of sex to dip as the relationship gets older, you can still do sexual things for him and be intimate and affectionate to him
x
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 This is not uncommon so don't feel you are abnormal. There are times in our lives where our sex drive does dessert us for many reasons. In you case I would say it would be a good idea to see a doctor because it could be hormonal and your doctor will be able to help you. If you are under high stress your sex drive suffers, even the daily grind of life unfortunately kills sex drive for women. You will get through this so hang in there.
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