A
male
age
30-35,
*uyfromAplace
writes:Recently the girl I've been with for two years, minus a four month period in the middle, left me. Up until a few weeks ago she was telling me she needed me, was in love with me, etc. Then one night, she just said we can't be together. The very next morning she said how much she missed me and was asking me if I thought it could still work. I replied honestly saying yes I thought it could and of course I missed her too. She said she needed a couple of weeks to think, so she took them. At one point she was assuring me she was still in love, and missed me a lot, so I thought it would all work out. A day later she told me she never was in love, that she doesn't want to be with me and further she isn't even hurting about it. Obviously this means she has no idea what she is feeling. This has happened before, she needs time to think, but it always worked out in the end. I ignored our problems, her being unsure, her and some of my family not getting along, and our rocky history because I was rather dependent on her for happiness. I put it all into the relationship. My sites were on marriage and a family, and hers used to be too, but she is young and that changed a lot. Ironically enough, I did this same thing about a year ago, starting becoming unsure and scared of committing and so I left her in a flash of confusion. But I woke up and the regret killed me, and I waited for a few months until she wanted me back and I didn't move on.The first time around we were very happy, always together, and always on the same page about our future together. After I left her and we got back together she seemed less sure even though she assured me she was. And I was completely. Then a couple of fights later and she is gone, in a rather harsh way. She said I guilted her into staying with me too. She is very unsure about everything and if I know her she will try and come back to me. I don't know what I should do. I feel like I can't do this again ever, and I also feel like I could never trust that she is sure about me again. I just want loyalty and to not be scared of losing my loved one. She may never come back, but if she does how do I let her down with out getting myself emotionally involved or even giving in to her? How do I go about moving on, will I ever be my happy self again or will this always cast a shadow over my life? Thanks
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male
reader, GuyfromAplace +, writes (9 June 2010):
GuyfromAplace is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell that is the thing, I used to be like that. I used to bail when I was unsure, but I found out quickly that was childish, and since I have been doing some growing up. I do admit I need to gain some confidence, and be able to maintain my happiness without another person. But at this point I would rather come together with the person I am with during tough times, not run away, so at least in that way I have improved.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Geeze. You guys almost sound like you were made for each other. Instead of "Until Death do us part" it's "Until confusion do us part!". You're dumping her over commitment issues. She's dumping you for the hell of it.
Seriously, you both are stuck because you both do the EXACT same thing when you get stressed, and that's dump out EVERYTHING in your life. This is the emotional version of Brittney Spears shaving her head. You two just shave off everything, including each other whenever things get rough!
You are young, and you need to stay single and let her go and grow up some. This isn't a slam or an insult against you. You need to learn some patience with your life, and purpose, and self-confidence that doesn't need another person to maintain your happiness. You need the equivalent of a titanium injection straight into your spine to toughen you up.
Then, once you've fixed YOURSELF, then find that lady who will give you the security of not bailing on you. But you're not ready to get a girl like that yet, because YOU bail too. BECOME who you want to have. Instead of finding the right woman, BECOME the right man, and the right woman will come along.
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