A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI have never done this before, but am in turmoil. I was reading some other chats on here and decided to tell my story. I am totally in love with my childhood sweetheart. He has been married about 15 years now. I am so ashamed about it, but cannot stop loving him. We live in separate states, and nothing physically has ever happened. He contacted me on FaceBook mid last year after a High School Reunion was being organized. Just a brief history. We were together as little kids in primary school. My brother and I were baby sat before and after school, by pure coincidence at the time, with only 1 house between his and where I was. We use to sit on the fence waving and giggling to each other. Then my family was posted overseas for 3 years. Once back we ran into each other almost straight away down the park, and got back together. We got couple of the year at our high school prom. Very cute...a certificate, 2 little plastic wedding rings (which I still have including everything he ever gave me...even my dried up prom corsage!). Both our home lives got difficult in college. I had to get away from my life for a while and went travelling, including getting away from him. I did have some boyfriends here and there, but he was never far from my thoughts. We both lost our virginity together. I can't imagine this being with anyone else.Anyway, we got together in our early 20's when I returned to family location. We had a talk about what we wanted in life.....I wanted to travel and he wanted to settle down straight away and have children. I was not capable of this really. I just wanted to keep moving and experiencing life whilst trying to forget a bit about mine (difficult times). He ended up getting another girl in my class pregnant and fullfilling his dream of family. This was so hard for me.....Forward that to now, to age of 35, bearing in mind he came up in my mind all the time (including when dating other men). When he contacted me last year, I felt like the excited in love teenager again. We have been in contact ever since, firstly with emails and then talking on the phone. It is like talking to a new love and very exciting, but at the same time like we have been in touch forever without the huge break. He did marry the girl from my class, and I do try and talk about her also, as I knew her. I guess I am sussing out if he truely loves her and is happy. If he was I would probably slow down or stop the contact between us, but he doesn't sound it. He is crazy about his 2 children, but not so sure about her......He sent me a surprise, which I got last night (again, we live in different states and other then pictures have not seen each other for at least 15 years). It was a CD of songs that remind him of me....There were 17 songs on this CD!!! I was a bundle of emotions and tears last night. I love him and always have. I have never gotten over him. I am currently single, but he is in my thoughts even when I have a boyfriend. Not every second of every day, but there nevertheless. Will I ever get over him! I am so in love with him. My soul mate. Can anyone please give me some advise. I don't care if it is hard either. Just to add, we both also lost our brothers last year (same age) and same name, in sudden accidents. His birthday is on my brothers birthday too. We have so much to share and help each other with even now. The horrendous grief and so many other emotions........
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): [ORIGINAL POSTER]
Thanks again. It was so hard to press send, but this is what I wrote. I hope it is ok and he is not hurt. He will see it Monday morning at work:
Dear ....
"I can't keep in contact with you. It is too hard. I'm so sorry. I guess I was hoping for closure, but my feelings for you are still very strong, even after all these years. I am really sorry, as I know you wanted to be friends. Please forgive me, but I need to look after myself, especially at the moment.
Take care of yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): I'm glad you realise, it is the right thing to do. It will be so hard not to just send that small email, or text, but if you do you'll go back to square one. It's the only way to move on. If you ever need to write again, feel free to come back and post. Good luck, you WILL find happiness again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): p.s. We are the same age....37 this year.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): [MOD NOTE: This appears to be from the original poster.]Thank you all for your comments. You are all so right. I am only hurting him and myself by staying in touch. I am going to have to break contact all together because I can't handle this anymore. My heart hurts just thinking about it, but from what I have read it is only going to get worse. It was the CD of (17!)songs he sent that "remind him of me" that really tipped me over the edge, last night. I just wanted to rush over to his state and whisk him away. I do love him so much. But he has made his own decisions to be with her all this time. It is just NOT healthy for me to continue this and someone needs to be the strong one. It will only end badly for all concerned. Even at this fairly innocent stage it is devasting me. I just don't know how to let him go from my heart and mind......I don't think I ever will.......I feel so so sad about this.......I still really believe that he is my, now and always, lost soul mate........
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): I don't think he will be getting a divorce anytime soon. Things may not be working in his marriage, and if so then it is them two that need to either fix it, or divorce because of their own reasons. No third person involved.
He very well may be falling in love with you again, but it doesn't change the situation.
I also think staying in contact is causing you too much heartache, as much as you love him, you need to move on.
I know that you're hoping things will fall into place eventually and he'll come back to you, but you shouldn't wait around.
Can you remain friends with him? Stick to only calls and emails? If you can't accept the reality that it will only be this until when/if the situation changes between him and his wife, then I think it would be best to cut contact, or at least keep it to a minimum.
If you want to leave the door open for him, you could tell him the truth (if you do choose to cut contact) why you cannot keep in contact. But you have to be ready for a reply you may not like.
I hope you find peace and happiness. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): it is very dis heartening to forget ones love but you should understand that he has a wife and may be children too its just up to you to decide that can you be selfish enough to think of your self and disrupt ones married life and make space for your self .and just imagine if you succeed in doing so think what conditions your love would undergo.i dont think you should continue thinking of such things for a married man who by the sound seems to be quite elder to you.you should make up your mind in looking for someone else and think him to be your elder brother.heart and brain are different things .till this time you were just following your heart but now its time to use your brain .
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A
female
reader, Good Girl  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 oh my god. i am going through exactly what you are. I have no good advice but i can tell you that you may be in for a bumpy road. I recently got back in touch with my high school sweetheart and soul mate who i have incessantly thought of and compared every man i have dated to for the last 14 years. He is seriously considering divorce but there is a 4 year old son who he may lose for 6 months of every year if the divorce happens because his wife wants to move home several states away. it is an extremely complicated situation and we've had many moments of happiness as well as moments of doubt and hopelessness. he has remained faithful and i have remained single to be faithful to him. more recently he broke off communication saying that his teen nephew had moved in and he didnt have privacy to communicate. I am losing my mind, if you cant get the man off your mind now compared with all the times you thought of him over the years imagine the effect of coming so close and then having utter silence thrown at you. my mind echoes everything about us every minute of every day. if you enter this situation prepare to be strong to be unintentionally hurt, and to be second to his children. the last is no problem for me to do, but the reality of his situation may prevent us from having the life we dream of. if you believe it, try it and if you want to be friends with me and keep in touch, i would appreciate it because there is no one in my life who understands what i am going through which leads me to another bit of advice..be careful who among your friends you tell about this. i found out the hard way that many people hold marriage to be sacred beyond question and will abandon you if they know you are in any way hoping one will split up, no matter how right, how considerate, truthful or careful you are. Good luck and i hope you both keep making each other happy, even if it is just as friends. Keep your sanity.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (1 August 2009):
 Let it go. He is married. I know it's hard, but let it go. Your situation seems tougher than what I am going through now, but trust me, let the feelings fade. Avoid him at all costs, get a new best friend, because compromising yourself is not an option.
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