A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm torn and not sure what to do. My wife and I have had a rough relationship for 18 years, 6 married. We separated late last year - and discovered she's pregnant. i moved back for 3rd trimester, and we're trying. Alot of the major issues (emotional and verbal abuse from her) are gone - though it's hard to tell with the pain and lack of activity of pregnancy. Problem is, I am back where I was before - sad, and feeling like I don't belong "here", or with her. I look at what I lost staying all those times my family and friends thought it should be over - the friends I had that should have been goneThere is a close friend I'm thinking might be better ... I won't cheat... and I'm trying to not make that a distraction. Do I try to fix it, or stay until the baby is out (for how long?) and tell the wife we need to move on?Not sure what I'm looking fo
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are in counseling - both individual and together - and I'm not letting the other person even become an "issue" at all (IE we aren't cheating, and I won't). As for the why we got pregnant...we asked ourselves that last night. 2 educated "smart" people, she had to go off pill for medical reasons, we "ASSumed" at 39 with issues down there it wouldn't happen. Kinda wasn't careful.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): I agree with Honypie 100%. You should try counseling as a first step. That may help you to both figure out how to communicate better and in my opinion that is the keystone of any relationship. You probably want to hurry up with that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2010):
 Sorry a baby is never the way to "save" a marriage. That is putting enamours amount of pressure on such a little person.
If you two SERIOUSLY want to save your marriage I suggest you two consider counseling or a neutral third party, such as your priest,rabbi, pastor or someone you BOTH trust.
With the added stress of a baby, yeah it can be VERY stressful to have a newborn. It will only add fuel to the fire. IMO.
Why did you knock her up in the first place? If your relationship was rocky you should have thought about NOT getting her pregnant.
If you don't think there is anything "worth" saving (as far as your marriage) be honest, be there for the child, be the DAD, but don't prolong something that isn't working.
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