A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29 and been married for nearly 2 years, we have a home together and no kids. I met my husband 7 years ago and i knew he would make a good husband because he's so kind and loyal. Over the past year I have lost my attraction to him, physically. I see him more as a friend/family member than a lover/partner. When we have sex, I don't get turned on at all, and I've actually started to feel physically sick when he tries to touch me. I've been really unhappy about this and I did the most awful thing - i cheated on him, twice. The sex was amazing and I can't get it out of my head. I'm really lost as I feel like i want to leave my husband because I know I cheated on him and I have a feeling it would happen again. But the other part of me thinks I would be a total fool to give it all up for the sake of sex. I'm really disappointed in myself as we've only been married 2 years and I've already commited the biggest crime in a relationship. Plus, I've always hated cheaters with a passion as my dad cheated on my mum. Now i'm exactly that! I just don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I'm in your exact situation. but I have 2 kids.
I now look at my husband as my friend. but I love him enough to stay. everytime I mention leaving he cries and I feel bad. Plus are you scared to start a new life? I'm scared to death to move leave my home and all I know.
I refuse to have sex with him latley esp since I cheated. good luck and I hope you can either start anew or find what you lost between the two of you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): If you have any respect and love for your husband, then either tell him and leave him, or immediately begin marriage counseling to find out what happened within yourself that let this happen. It can't ALL be caused by him or his actions; *something* was already there. You owe it to your husband to either figure out And Fix whatever is not quite right in you, or determine between the two of you that this is hopeless. Please, DON'T accept any offers from him to see other men if you stay with him - respect him enough to give him a clean start with his dignity and pride intact.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): No one can really tell you what to do, your family and friends all love him, but that's not a good enough reason to stay with someone you don't love, and if sex is a big part of your life and your not having it with your husband then he's gonna stray his self soon. I think you should tell him the truth and it might make things easier for you and him. Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you replies! I do feel like I need to leave him because I have done this to him but i still love him and believe that he is my sole mate. Also my family are very traditional, they all love him, my friends love him and they are all expecting us to have kids very soon. There's a lot of pressure here! If i leave I lose everything. I know it sounds very selfish but this is the reason i am so lost. I feel like i should leave him because I know that I am not ready to commit to having children with him, and the fact that I don't think i can be completely faithful to him, especially this big part of our relationship (to me it's big) - sex - is missing from our marriage.
So do you think that I should just tell him the truth?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): I am in almost the same situation as yourself, except it was my boyfriend who has done the cheating. We have children together and when he had the affair he also fathered another child, it was the most devestating thing I have ever experienced in my life. I think you should tell your partner and who knows he might make it easier for you to make your decision, he may choose not to be with you any longer or he may wait to work things out. If you feel like your not sorry for it, then most likely your not. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): you have already written the story of your life by saying "it would happen again." it is only a matter of time before you cheat on him again. in your heart you know that you have moved on. you are not doing your hubby any favours by staying with him. its time to move on. better now with no kids. both you and your hubby will actually survive this marriage breakup, both will find love with others, it's time about timing.
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