A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just needed to vent about this and get other people's opinions.Lately I've been browsing through a lot of dating/love advice sites, and I see numerous of threads where 13 year olds complain about not ever having a boyfriend. Not only that, but my cousins, who are aged 14 and 15 already think they're losers for never having a boyfriend.I'm sure that when someone's going through their teenage years it seems absolutely dispicable to them that they have never been in a relationship. But really, is it really worth it? I mean, when you're 14 and you think you're doomed because all of your friends have have been in a relationship, it just shows us that society nowadays places an invisible "dead line" which young people and not only think they have to avoid. I mean, most of the times, it's like this; You ~have to be kissed by the time you're 14. You ~have to have had a boyfriend by 15. You ~have to lose your virginity before you hit 17. At least, it seems that way to me so far. It doesn't apply to everyone, of course, but you get the picture.I didn't get my first kiss or boyfriend until I was 20. I suppose that makes me an ultimate inexperienced loser, then? Oh please. When I talk about this in forums, people I assume that I either must have been ugly, picky, or way too shy. I am neither ugly nor picky or shy. Why are looks so important, anyway? I'm sure that most teens would want a hawt boyfriend or girlfriend, and that's really important later in life too, but I don't see the value in that. I mean, I have a friend who's marrying an overweight girl who others think is ugly, and can't believe he chose to spend his life with her, but all I see is that she is a wonderful person who deserves to be loved the way she is. I get horribly annoyed when the first thing most people ask you after you announce you got a boyfriend is "Is he hot?/Is she hot?/E.T.C." Seriously, is it really ALL about looks?Oh well. I needed to vent about this. So, DC, what are your thoughts on this matter?
View related questions:
cousin, overweight, shy Reply to this Article
Share |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): I think it can be difficult, because the first thing we notice about someone is how they look. And we will form an opinion on them based on that, often without realising it. It is human nature to do that, I think.
But I do agree that a persons personality is the important thing. It's what is inside that counts. I feel really sad when I hear about people who are only interested in somebody if they are good looking. It is such a fragile and precarious thing, in my opinion. Looks can wither and die over time, but what is inside...that is what lasts. So shouldn't that count more? No matter how good looking someone may be, it can all change. Be it an accident, illness, whatever, it can be gone in an instant. I'm not trying to say that we should completely ignore looks. Not at all, it can be nice to dress up, look nice, etc. But I think the main thing to nurture is the personality.
I have known people who have physically been very attractive to me. But then I discovered that they were actually quite horrible, nasty people. And in my eyes, they instantly became unattractive. And there have been people who I have not instantly been attracted to, but after getting to know them and care about them, I have grown very attracted to them. So I think what is inside can shine out, and affect how you perceive someone, no matter how they appear to you initially.
As for these "deadlines" where you "should" have a boyfriend by a certain age, etc...who makes those rules? I think a lot of it is insecurity, because if you are confident within yourself, you wouldn't care about these things. There does seem to be a great rush nowadays though. Everything has to be done faster, sooner, earlier...it can be difficult to step back from all that and just take things at your own pace. But I agree, it is silly. It can seem like a big competition, and I find that quite sad. People trying to be better than other people, perhaps to try and prove something to themselves? I don't know.
Anyway, just my thoughts on the subject. Thanks for the article! x
A
female
reader, unknown x +, writes (19 September 2009):
 I agree with Jayney Y, about how a personality can make or break someone. Once you get to know them they can either become very attractive, or very unattractive. I recently met someone i wasn't immediatley attracted to, but on getting to the know them i've found myself really quite attracted. However, being a 17 year old, i'm worried that people would judge because this person isn't..immediatley stunning. Though not ugly or bad looking, either.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (18 September 2009):
 Well, I think that the media are mainly responsible for the stupid attitudes of young people. And they ARE stupid attitudes! Every single day all of us who are exposed to the media are bombarded with 'celebrities' who are made up to look like something they are definitely not in real life, and the result is this.....young people, (ie; those who have never known an age when the media didn't dominate our lives), can't differentiate between reality and fiction. They think that part of being attractive is being physically perfect, (or within the realm of perfection), and anything less is some sort of failing. The truth is that no matter how good looking a person is, if they're an asshole, or if they're stupid, or if they're so boring they send us into a coma, it will shine through in the end. Likewise, the person who looks ugly when we first meet them can suddenly become incredibly attractive once we get to know them. In my opinion that's the only 'real' sort of attraction, the one where looks don't actually come into it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Disturbed Princess +, writes (17 September 2009):
 i honestly dont care what people think of me... they dont like me their problem. i guess with people my age it is like that around my school ur a loser if you havnt had sex by 14 or 13 its so stupid i reckon it should be with the person you love and when i first got kissed i regret it. so now im 14 iv kissed 2 guys.. the 1 tht i first kissed before i turned 14 and the one im with now, im pretty sure i really love the guy im with but at my age i know i wouldnt really know wat love is but iv had alot in my life n his like always been there so we got together his now my boyfriend its been 3months we kiss hold hand no sexual contact n i guess his fine with that his 15 and hasnt has sex either n im glad he doesnt try to pressure me. he tells me he wants me to be ready for it and he wouldnt do anything i dont like. well i know that probly doesnt answer your theory but i told you my part.... hope you get what your after eventually..xx
...............................
|
